Is your toddler acting like, well, a baby? One day, he's proud to be a "big kid," but the next he's demanding a bottle and throwing temper tantrums for no discernible reason. Or your fully potty-trained child is now having accidents and insisting on diapers.
It’s disconcerting when a wrench suddenly gets thrown into your predictable routine, but it's likely nothing to worry about. Periodic regressions are common among toddlers, and they usually quickly resolve on their own. Here’s the 411 on this backwards behavior.
What is toddler regression?
Toddler regression is when your 1-, 2- or 3-year-old seems to lose skills he's recently acquired or take a few steps back in his learning.
Rest assured, this is simply a normal part of toddler development. Adults are used to acquiring new skills and keeping them. Very young children, however, often progress in a series of sudden spurts scattered with periods where they don’t grow in new skills or even regress.
In fact, these phases of toddler regression may actually indicate that your child is working on progressing in another arena. This happened even in babyhood. Remember when he began to wake up at night and fuss all day as a 6-month-old because he was teething? Or he started to nurse constantly at 6 weeks due to a growth spurt?
It's less of a surprise then that periods of toddler regression sometimes precede developmental milestones or coincide with big life events. It's almost as if their little systems get overloaded when they’re processing brand-new skills or circumstances.
Why do toddlers regress?
There are a few reasons why regressive behaviors happen. Oftentimes, a big life change can set the stage for toddler regression. Some of the most common ones at this age include:
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- A child care change
- A new sibling
- Recent illness
- Death of a loved one, like a grandparent
- Parent separation or divorce
- A recent or upcoming move to a new home
Some of these events are generally happy ones. Even then, they can still be hard for toddlers to understand and handle.
They may need to take some time off from mastering a new skill like potty training while adjusting to a new routine. In fact, you can view regression as a healthy way for your toddler to process a recent life change.
Signs of toddler regression
Your little one may be going through a regression if you notice:
- Potty training problems. Your little one may suddenly refuse to use the potty or begin to have accidents when before he stayed dry for hours.
- Trouble sleeping. Suddenly, your toddler who slept through the night may begin to wake up again at 3 a.m. asking for a snack or cuddles.
- Clinginess. Your formerly independent guy may stick to you like a burr. He may also want you to do things for him that he previously did himself, like feeding or dressing.
- Speech regression. Your previously super verbal 2-year-old may suddenly slow down in language or morph back into baby talk. He may also act like a baby in other ways, like crawling around.
- Behavior issues. Suddenly your toddler who did an excellent job soothing himself is fake crying and throwing temper tantrums.
- A different demeanor. He may have regularly chatted up a storm, but that's suddenly slowed to a standstill.
What to do about toddler regression
Rest assured, you won't have a big baby on your hands forever. This is just your child's way of saying that he needs some extra attention and sensitivity from you right now. Here’s how to help him through this tough time.
- Go ahead and baby your child. Let your child cling, crawl or talk like a baby. Not letting him slide back a bit may prolong the phase.
- Anticipate. It pays to read up on the major milestones your toddler is on track to hit so that you can adjust your expectations of his behavior accordingly. Be aware that right around 12 months is when many children are learning to walk and talk. These are huge skills, and each one can suck up all of your toddler's physical and emotional energy for a while and lead to some weird behavior (aka toddler regression). For instance, it’s not at all uncommon for a toddler who's added a word a day to his vocabulary to suddenly cease talking as he masters the art of putting one foot in front of the other.
- Heap on the love. Show him that he doesn't have to act like a baby to get your attention. If you have a newborn in the house, spend one-on-one time with your toddler. You might also appeal to his sense of importance and enlist his help with the baby. (He can hand you diapers or dry tiny toes after a bath.)
- Hold the criticism. Instead of critiquing, be reassuring while letting your child know that you both realize he's only pretending. ("It's fun to play baby sometimes, but I'll always love you even when you don't act like one.")
- Celebrate grown-up actions. Point out the perks of being bigger. ("Too bad your little sister can't have ice cream, but she's a baby and babies don't eat ice cream.") Praise him when he displays maturity, and applaud his big-kid achievements, like using a spoon or solving a puzzle.
- Provide a release valve. Let your little one know that it's okay to be angry or sad. If he makes a resentful remark about his new sibling, don't say, "You don't really mean that." Instead, encourage him to talk about his feelings. ("You can always tell me how you feel. I always feel better when I talk about my feelings.")
- Don't rock the boat. If a change like a new sibling is at the root of your toddler's regression, it's especially important to reduce other changes in his life. Stick to the usual schedule and routines as much as possible.
- Make temporary adjustments. If your toddler has hit a developmental bump, consider that he might need a bit more sleep, a few more snacks throughout the day or simply extra cuddles from you. Sometimes big milestones (like walking) can be both scary and exhausting for your toddler. Be sensitive to your child, and permit him a little regression in other ways until he gets his footing, so to speak. When in doubt, extra cuddles and physical affection will always help your child feel more secure.
When to call the doctor
If the behavior lasts for more than a few days and becomes concerning — for example, frequent accidents or waking up a lot at night — it’s a good idea to get your child checked out by his pediatrician to ensure there's no physical cause.
A lot of the time, toddler regression stems from a recent change, some other source of stress or, yes, normal toddler development. If it lasts more than a couple weeks, it's a good idea to get it evaluated. Your pediatrician can provide referrals, or you can make an appointment yourself for an early intervention evaluation. (Find your state contact info from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.)
Most of the time, however, the regression will pass as quickly as it came on, and your toddler will return to his spirited, sunny (and sometimes cranky) self.
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