Just a few days before my second child was born in 2023, I had an idea that I couldn't wait to share with my husband: I wanted to shift the attention onto my 4-year-old son to help him with the transition to having a younger sibling. So instead of only celebrating the baby’s arrival when we brought our new baby home, we made that day about celebrating him, and dubbed it “big brother day.” Looking back one year later, I have to say, it was a fabulous idea that really helped my son embrace his new sibling.
I’m a psychologist, so I’m always thinking ahead and trying to anticipate how others might feel in different situations. During my pregnancy, I thought a lot about how the transition to having another child was going to be for my older son, especially in terms of feeling left out or jealous. Acknowledging that we can’t control everything, I utilized one of my favorite tips and reminders, which is to focus on what is in my control.
I started by purchasing a few books about becoming a big brother and having a sibling. My son enjoyed them, but it’s difficult for a child to fully understand what it means to get a sibling until it actually happens. Can you imagine being the center of attention as an only child, and then one day your parents suddenly come home with a new baby and you’re expected to share the attention, your toys and more? It would be pretty overwhelming.
I anticipated a lot of big emotions, so I started including him in things like my weekly belly pictures. I also told him that the sonogram pictures I brought home were for him — and of his sister. Both of these became things he looked forward to, but I didn’t think they were going to help him as much once the baby actually arrived. However, I thought that turning the focus more toward him just might.
What is "big brother day?"
“Big brother day” was an idea I had to shift the attention to my older son, and celebrate him on the day we brought our new baby home from the hospital.
My thought was that if we put less attention on the baby (who wouldn’t know the difference anyway), and more on him, it would hopefully ease those jealous feelings. Not to mention, I really wanted him to feel included. This excitement of having a new baby was really for us all, including him, and I wanted him to feel excited too.
How we celebrated "big brother day"
The day our baby was born, we gave our son a "big brother" shirt to wear to school and made a really big deal about what a great big brother he was going to be. The next day, when we brought our baby home, we officially called it "big brother day."
That day, while my son was at school, and while we were preparing to bring the baby home, I had my mom and a very good friend make a sign that said “happy big brother day.” When my son came home from school that afternoon, we were home with the baby and had balloons, a gift from her for him and a cake. We put the focus and excitement on my son becoming a big brother as opposed to putting all of the focus on the baby. We even told family and friends who were visiting about our plans so they could congratulate him as well.
Beyond that day, I hadn't really thought about what “big brother day” was or what the concept would turn into until it was time to acknowledge the next milestone — when our daughter turned 1 month old. I decided to keep the celebration going and congratulate my son for having been a big brother for one month. I surprised him by taking him out of camp that day so we could attend a fun event in the park I knew he wanted to go to. After that, we continued to celebrate our son being a big brother each month as his sister got older. And when her first birthday came around, we all went to a Yankees game after school which is something my son loves to do. When we celebrated with our larger family later that weekend, we also had a cake for him that said, "happy big brother day." It wasn't just one day — we continued to celebrate our son throughout the entire first year of my daughter's life.
Do I think my son needed the celerbation during her birthday, one year later, one year older? I actually don’t, but I wanted to acknowledge him because he really had been the best big brother to his sister, and those little acknowledgements — and special days — are what he will remember. I wanted him to remember us all celebrating life and being a family of four together. I'm not sure if I'll continue it every year yet, but it's something I will assess each year as we get close to our daughter's birthday, and the day we brought her home from the hospital.
The benefits of "big brother day"
Looking back, I think this concept definitely helped ease the transition for my son. Ultimately, "big brother day" helped my son adjust to having a sibling at home and allowed him to feel included and special — and definitely helped cut down on the jealousy. He was so proud of his baby sister! He wanted to show her off and introduce her to everyone. He also wanted to celebrate her and was proud of every little milestone she hit, like crawling and rolling over. You could tell that he was a proud big brother, not a jealous sibling. I can't say that there wasn't any jealousy, but I also expected some. After all, that's a normal part of being a sibling.
5 tips if you want to have your own "big brother day"
If "big brother day" sounds like something your family might like to try, I say, go for it! It doesn't have to look just like what I did — you can make it your own. No matter how you celebrate, here are some things that helped us pull off a great first year:
Keep it simple: "Big brother day" doesn't have to be fancy or cost money — you don't have to order shirts, go all out or even plan what you're going to do too far in advance. Sometimes, the simplest things are the things your kids have the most fun with! We didn't do anything fancy: We made a sign, blew up some balloons that we already had in the house and got a cake. Have fun with it!
Let everyone know ahead of time: It's a good idea to share your plan with anyone who will be around your kiddos so they can help convey the same messages you are. By telling others (for instance, the grandparents) that we were also celebrating our son, they were able to give him a little extra attention, too.
Remember your why! Growing a family is such a fun and exciting time, and it's a good idea to remind yourself why you're taking the time to celebrate with your kids. It's a big deal — and one that the entire family will cherish forever.
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