It’s perfectly normal for adoptive parents to look at their new child and wonder if he’ll ever fit into the family, if you’ll ever truly love him and if he’ll ever return that love. Just remember that adoptive parents bond with their babies as successfully as biological families! To make the journey go smoothly, adopt these strategies for bonding with your adopted child.

Don’t rush it

If you adopted a baby, how quickly he adapts depends on how old he is. If he’s younger than 6 months, he may fuss more than usual, refuse to feed sometimes and snooze for too many hours (or too few). These behaviors have nothing to do with your parenting skills, and they’ll most likely pass in a few weeks. 

In the meantime, cuddle your baby as often as you can, give him gentle rubdowns before bedtime and wear him in a sling or front carrier instead of putting him in his stroller or bouncy seat. Music can be soothing too. If you can, find lullabies in your child’s native language if it’s different from your own.

If you adopted a toddler, prepare yourself for some tough weeks. He probably loved his previous caregivers, and he’s lost the people who meant the most to him. He’ll probably act out and test limits as he learns to trust you. 

Counteract such behaviors by setting up routines, so he knows what to expect, and setting a few rules. As often as you can, catch him being good, so he becomes more confident of his abilities to behave. 

One important routine to establish: Reading together. Not only will that give you a chance to snuggle, but books can also provide the words he needs to identify his emotions.

Talk, talk and talk some more

Babies soak up language from their surroundings, and that goes double for an adoptive child. Many kids who’ve been in an orphanage lag behind in language skills, so boost your toddler’s vocabulary by giving play-by-plays when you’re taking a walk, doing chores or just hanging out. Pause so he can answer, even if it’s with a grunt or a coo. 

Another reason to talk it up? Chatting will help him feel included and worthy of your attention.

Get your older kids involved

If you have other children, they can help speed the bonding process. Encourage them to pitch in often in as many ways as they want, like picking out toys and clothes. Give them fun tasks, like making funny faces when you’re bathing or diapering the baby, or playing games with him while you make dinner.

Start a few traditions

Rituals make every child feel special and give little ones something to look forward to. Keep a scrapbook for your newest family member that you all can look through on the anniversary of the day he joined the family. If you say prayers or grace or light holiday candles, consider including your child’s birth family in your blessings. If your child was adopted internationally, learn about the important holidays from that country and celebrate them.