Sleeping close to your little one seems innocent enough. After all, what's sweeter than cuddling up all night with your baby? But co-sleeping and bed-sharing have become heated terms, and with so many opinions on either side, it can be hard to figure out the healthiest choice for your family.
The family bed may seem appealing to parents for a variety of reasons, but it comes with risks, most notably that it can increase your baby's chance of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). On the other hand, having your baby sleep in your room, in her own crib or bassinet, can protect against SIDS, not to mention make night wakings and feedings easier to manage.
Here are answers to the most common questions parents have about co-sleeping and bed-sharing.
What is co-sleeping, and what is the difference between co-sleeping and bed-sharing?
The terms co-sleeping and bed-sharing are often used interchangeably, but they're not exactly the same thing — and it's crucial to know the difference.
Bed-sharing means sleeping in the same bed as your baby, or sharing the same sleeping surface.
Co-sleeping means sleeping in close proximity to your baby, sometimes in the same bed and sometimes nearby in the same room (room-sharing).
In other words, bed-sharing is one way of co-sleeping. But it's not a healthy practice: The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) warns against bed-sharing because it increases a baby's risk for SIDS.[1] Ultimately, there's no such thing as safe bed-sharing, and you should never sleep in bed with your baby.
The safe way to co-sleep with your baby is to room-share — where your baby sleeps in your bedroom, in her own crib, bassinet or playard. In fact, the AAP recommends room-sharing with your baby (with separate sleeping surfaces) until she's at least 6 months old because it's protective against SIDS.
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What do supporters of co-sleeping say the benefits are?
Advocates say that bed-sharing makes it easier to breastfeed at night and helps babies and parents get more sleep overall. Some say the added snuggle time can help you feel closer to your baby, too.
But those things don't make bed-sharing safe or a good idea. And in fact, families can reap the same benefits — and more — with room-sharing.
Having your baby in her own crib or bassinet right next to your bed makes nighttime feedings just as quick and easy, so everyone can get back to sleep faster. And of course, you'll have near endless opportunities to snuggle with your sweetie during the day (as well as during nighttime feedings) when the two of you are awake.
Those aren't the only pros of room-sharing. The most important benefit is that it can help lower the risk of SIDS by up to 50 percent. Having your baby next to you in her own sleeping space means you can easily be alerted to any potential breathing issues she might experience during the night.
What are the cons of co-sleeping?
Every parent understands why bringing your baby into bed is tempting. Your little one is having trouble getting back to sleep and you're so tired that bringing your baby into bed with you seems like the only way you'll all get the rest you need. Not to mention those cuddles!
But bed-sharing can be dangerous, so avoid the temptation. Every year about 3,400 babies die in the United States of sleep-related causes, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).[2] And bed-sharing is one of the most common causes of death in babies, especially those younger than 6 months.
When your little one sleeps on anything other than a mattress with a tight sheet and nothing else nearby, it increases her risk of SIDS, especially in the first six months of life.
Soft or loose bedding, pillows, couches, chairs and adult bed mattresses all pose potential suffocation hazards for babies. It's also possible for an infant to get trapped or wedged between a mattress and a wall or headboard.
And for really tired, deep-sleeping parents, the risk of rolling over onto the baby (which can lead to suffocation) is real, as is the chance that she could fall off the bed. The risk of SIDS also goes up if you smoke or drink alcohol.
Ultimately, sleeping with your baby on the same surface is not safe at any time. To promote safe sleep, you should room-share but never bed-share with your baby.The only time you should bring your little one into bed is to feed or comfort her while you're awake. When you're ready to go to sleep, you should put your baby back in her crib or bassinet.
Can you sleep train while room-sharing with your baby?
When your baby is a newborn, she'll need to feed frequently through the night, and she'll continue to wake up overnight in need of a bottle or a nursing session for at least a few months.
But once your baby reaches the 4- to 6-month mark, she may be waking out of habit, not because she needs to. This ritual isn't a healthy long-term strategy for your baby (or for you!), and at some point she's going to have to learn to get back to sleep on her own.
The AAP's recommendation that infants stay in the same room with their parents for at least six months may further dampen your hopes of ever getting any sleep.[3] That's where sleep training comes in.
Sleep training, also known as sleep teaching or soothing training, means teaching your baby to fall back to sleep on her own when she wakes up at night. The goal is for you and your little one to get more sleep, even though at first, you may have to deal with some tears.
Your baby should be at least 4- to 6 months old before beginning sleep training, because by that age she probably no longer needs nighttime feedings (though be sure to check with your pediatrician), she's developmentally ready and she understands that crying usually leads to being held. Sleep training isn't healthy or appropriate for younger babies or newborns.
Remember that sleep training is a personal decision that may or may not be right for your family. If you're not comfortable sleep training your baby, or decide against it for any other reason, that's fine.
Sleep training with your baby in the same room can be a challenge, but it is possible. Here's how:
- Move your baby away from the bed a bit so you can't see each other.
- Add some white noise to the room using a fan or white noise machine.
- Stay consistent: Choose a sleep training method and try to stick to it.
- If your baby's crying is upsetting you, it might help to leave the room when you're putting her down for the night.
When should you stop room-sharing?
You can stop room-sharing when your baby is at least 6 to 12 months old, according to the AAP's recommendations. Beyond that, the answer on when to stop room-sharing comes down to what feels right for your family.
Research shows that as babies get older, both infants and their parents tend to sleep worse when sharing a room. What's more, room-sharing seems to increase the odds that an older baby will end up in her parents' bed at some point during the night, which isn't safe (and which can lead to bad sleeping habits even when the risks have dropped).
These kinds of issues can continue into toddlerhood, leading to more bedtime battles and less sleep for everyone. And once your child is a toddler and has grown used to the comforts of sharing a room with you, she'll have a harder time transitioning to her own room.
On the other hand, room-sharing can be a sweet way to bond with your older baby or toddler, so if the arrangement is working for everyone, there's no reason why you have to stop.
The bottom line? Once you've passed the 6- to 12-month mark and SIDS is no longer a risk, your little one can move into her own room whenever you're ready to make the switch.
It's perfectly fine to continue room-sharing if everyone is happy with the status quo. But if you want some more privacy or have a hunch that everyone would sleep better with a little more space, that's your cue to get your cutie into her own room.
Though the subject of co-sleeping can be confusing and even controversial, the most important thing to remember is that room-sharing is safe and recommended to reduce SIDS risk during infancy, while bed-sharing can be dangerous and raises SIDS risk.
If you're having trouble figuring out a sleeping arrangement that works for your family and is safe for your baby, talk to your pediatrician. The key is to find the healthiest solution for your little one so that you can all get a better, safer night's sleep.
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