Your toddler could live on crackers alone and thinks that ice cream for breakfast is a great idea. It's made for some increasingly tense mealtimes ... and you're ready for a change. Can letting her have more control over her food choices actually be helpful?
Many child feeding experts think so. The division of responsibility in feeding method is often touted as a way to curb picky eating and help toddlers (and older children) develop healthier eating habits. And in the process, it might make the whole what-to-feed-my-tot thing a little less stressful for you too.
What is the division of responsibility in feeding method?
The division of responsibility in feeding method, officially known as the Satter division of responsibility method or sDOR, is a method of feeding aimed at helping children learn to trust their own hunger and fullness cues. Developed by dietitian and family therapist Ellyn Satter, sDOR (or DOR for short) can be used with kids of any age — for babies, toddlers, older kids, adolescents and teens. But it's often touted as being particularly helpful with toddlers as a strategy for reducing mealtime battles and pickiness.
Division of responsibility is sometimes described as an approach where "parents provide and kids decide." In other words, it's up to parents to provide the food, but kids get to decide what and how much of the food they want to eat.
At first, that might sound like giving your toddler free rein to eat whatever she wants. But DOR isn't about giving your child permission to eat an entire box of cookies for dinner. Quite the opposite, in fact.
With DOR, it's the job of parents to offer a variety of delicious foods at regular mealtimes and snack times. Most of the offerings should be wholesome and nutritious, of course, but regular treats should be on the menu too. It's the job of kids to choose which items they want to eat (and which ones they may not want) as well as how much.
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In practice, that might look like serving spaghetti, meatballs and salad family-style for dinner and letting your toddler pick what she wants from those three items. If she wants three helpings of pasta, great. If she wants one meatball and a scoop of salad, also great. And if she decides she doesn't want any of them? That's fine too. You can trust that she's likely not hungry enough to eat and she'll fill up at the next snack or meal.
Why should I try the division of responsibility method of feeding my picky-eating toddler?
Letting your toddler take on the role of deciding what and how much they want to eat can make mealtimes less stressful for everyone, according to the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics. Here are some of the ways that families can benefit.
Reduces mealtime battles and stress
Your toddler's developing food preferences and her desire to call the shots can lead to endless requests for her current favorites at meal or snack time — and a refusal to eat anything else. Catering to her fickle tastes only teaches her that she can whine her way to eating a muffin for dinner when she doesn't like what's on the table.
Offering a fixed set of options and letting her choose among them takes the dreaded negotiations off the table, while still giving your sweetie the sense of control she craves. She might still complain about the new arrangement at first, of course. But if you're consistent, she'll eventually adjust.
Helps toddlers eat a balanced diet
It might seem like letting your toddler pick which foods go on her plate would make it harder for her to get a well-rounded mix of nutrients. And indeed, she probably won't choose a perfectly balanced meal every time.
But if you're offering a variety of healthy options, chances are that her choices will even out over the course of several days or a week. She might only feel like toast and fruit one day, but might decide to go big on the yogurt or chicken another time.
Encourages toddlers to pay attention to their hunger and fullness levels
Sometimes your sweetie might refuse a food (or an entire meal or snack) simply because she's not hungry. That's a good thing! During toddlerhood, kids have a natural ability to regulate their food intake to support their growth. But over time, consistently encouraging children to take one more bite or clean their plates can start to override those instincts.
Letting your little one decide how much food she does (or doesn't) want helps her stay in touch with her body's needs, which can help her continue to choose healthy portion sizes as she gets older.
May encourage toddlers to be more adventurous eaters
DOR probably won't have your vegetable hater begging for broccoli overnight. But when there's less pressure to eat certain foods, you might find that she becomes more open to trying new things.
May help toddlers to learn how to better handle treats and snacks
Desserts and treats are definitely a part of DOR, and taking a relaxed approach to how much your child chooses to eat may pay off over time.
While your toddler might come back for a second or third cookie at first, over time, she'll start to see those beloved snacks like other foods rather than special treats that only come out once in a while. That can actually encourage children to take a more moderate approach with desserts and snacks, research shows.
Tips for feeding your toddler using division of responsibility
DOR can take some getting used to (for both your toddler and you), especially if your family has been used to a more hands-on approach. For a smoother start, keep these tips in mind.
- Stick to a regular schedule. A predictable meal-and-snack routine helps toddlers know what to expect and gives them plenty of opportunities to fuel up. If your little one decides she's not hungry, she can always eat more at the next opportunity.
- Offer a variety of foods. A variety of choices exposes your child to different flavors, textures, and, of course, nutrients. Even if she's not willing to try something, keep offering it. She might change her tune eventually.
- Have something on the table that you know your child likes. Not every item you serve has to be a favorite. But having one thing you know your tot will eat can help her feel more comfortable — and might encourage her to try other things. It can also help you to know whether she's hungry or not (because if she is, she would be eating that comfort food on her plate). It can be hard for parents to let go of control and allow their tots to decide what and how much food they want at mealtimes.
- Resist the urge to pressure. If your child doesn't want a certain food (or any food), play it cool. Remember, it's her job to decide what and how much to eat! You can also ask your little one how much she'd like to eat or if she wants to eat at all.
- Serve food family-style. Rather than plating food lunch-lady-style for your toddler, ask her if she'd like a scoop of potatoes or a few pieces of chicken. Once she's able to (messily) serve herself, even better!
- Sit at the table together, turn off the TV and put away the phones. Make eating together and family time the focus when you're eating. Screens can distract your toddler and make it harder for her to eat. Be sure to talk to your child during mealtimes too (about things other than food!).
- Be a good role model. When your toddler sees you enjoying a range of healthy foods as well as your favorite treats, she'll start to do the same.
- Call the doctor if you have concerns. While DOR can be an effective approach for many families, it may not be right for every child. Talk with the pediatrician if your toddler's picky eating habits seem to be affecting her growth or behavior. Together you can see whether there are underlying issues affecting your child's feeding and come up with a solution that's right for her.
Above all, be patient. The division of responsibility approach just might be your ticket to taming the pickiness, but shifting your family's food habits can also be an adjustment. Change might not come overnight! But if you stay cool, calm and consistent, you'll find your way to happier, easier mealtimes.
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