Key findings
- The majority of moms (64%) find some aspect of feeding a baby difficult.
- Nearly half (48%) struggled with pumping, and 43% said the same of breastfeeding.
- The top three challenges moms say they face are: cleaning and preparing pump parts; managing the feeding schedule and getting out of the house; and cleaning and preparing bottles.
It was the first parenting decision I ever made, and it came with tears. Hours after his birth, my baby lay in my arms unable or unwilling to latch, as a nurse pressed him against my chest repeatedly. My milk hadn't come in yet, and the pain of breastfeeding along with the physical and emotional stresses of the day left me weeping. I only cried more when the nurse suggested I give up and give him formula. Was I failing at motherhood already? Feeding a baby seems like it should be the most natural act in the world, but it's often much harder than parents expect.
What to Expect polled more than 2,000 moms about feeding their babies, and the majority (64%) found some aspect of the process to be challenging.
The six biggest stressors when feeding a baby were cleaning and preparing pump parts (47% of mothers found it a challenge); managing the feeding schedule and getting out of the house (42%); cleaning and preparing bottles (37%); feeling "stuck" in a chair while feeding (36%); having the responsibility of feeding the baby (35%); and the time it takes to breastfeed (33%).
As lonely as the process can feel — particularly at 3 a.m. — there is plenty of advice out there for how to make feeding frustrations a little less, well, frustrating. Here are some tips for tackling the biggest struggles, according to moms in the What to Expect Community who have been there, burped that.
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47% of moms find cleaning and prepping pump parts a challenge
Assembling and operating a breast pump can inspire a special kind of anxiety in a first-time parent. This suckling, wheezing device is getting attached where? The next wave of panic often comes when it comes time to wash the flanges, valves, tubing, membranes, and bottles that can get sticky and even smelly — multiple times per day. And it's not as if you have tons of time to clean while caring for a newborn. It's no surprise that 48% of mothers surveyed found pumping to be challenging.
Tips from other moms
- Keep a soapy wash basin on your countertop. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommends rinsing and washing your pump parts after every single use.[1] Having a dedicated wash basin for this can help you avoid a (potentially) grimy kitchen sink and simplify the process.[2] "I use a large basin or a mixing bowl and put [in] soap and warm water, let my parts soak, then do a quick scrub and rinse," says user Nom071421.
- Let an appliance do the work. The CDC does recommend using other appliances to clean pump parts, as do experienced moms: User veranoo sanitizes her pump parts once a day using a Baby Brezza, while user ajfoley11 runs hers through a dishwasher (which the CDC advises doing on hot water or sanitizing cycle with a heated dry if possible).
- Purchase extra pump parts. "I have two sets and I soak one until I pump again and then I wash the other while wearing the next," says user lefturner. "So, I'm always washing as well but I feel like the rotation helps somehow."
42% say managing the feeding schedule and getting ready and out of the house is hard
A new parent might find that leaving home with a baby in tow requires some NASA-level equations of timing and preparation. You need to pack a bag for every possible scenario, from spills to diaper blowouts, all while figuring out you may need to breastfeed, pump or mix a bottle and when your baby will need to sleep before, during and after the excursion.
Tips from other moms
- Make a checklist. "My good friend made herself a checklist of everything she needed to leave the house — diaper bag with specific contents, cooler, ice packs, pump and pump parts, travel coffee mug filled up, etc. Detailed and helpful to her!" says user ejbomb.
- Have a backup bag. "I created a car bag that had an emergency set of clothes, wipes [and] a diaper or two. That came in handy many times when I forgot those essentials," ejbomb adds.
- Use your car as a pumping station. "I pump in the car on the regular. I'll bring a cooler if I'm out for a while, or just an empty bottle if babe's next feed happens when we're out," says user plasticblanket. "I got a manual pump that I keep in my car for emergencies if I end up out later than expected or if a doctor's appointment runs over," says user sparklebaby123. "I also bought a car adapter for my Spectra and have just gone and pumped in my car."
- Feed your baby right before heading out. "My timing is to always leave the house pretty much right after a feed," says user Lisag49. "She might stay up a few minutes, but then is always knocked out shortly after whether she's in the stroller, car seat or carrier."
- Remember practice makes perfect. "You know how to care for babe at home, you can certainly do it out and about — it's just not always ideal, but it's always doable!" says user ejbomb. "My uncle once told me, 'Babies are portable,' and I reminded myself of that every time I caught myself thinking I'd stay home because it was just easier."
37% struggle with cleaning and preparing bottles
Washing and readying bottles is one of those tasks that seems super basic until you're pregnant and facing the aisle of tools and appliances designed to help — from sterilizers and warmers to special brushes and formula dispensers, mixers and pitchers. One in five moms struggled with bottle-feeding or formula feeding.
Tips from other moms
- Run your dishwasher. "Don't torture yourself with hand-washing everything," says user sail0rm3rcury. The CDC also recommends cleaning baby items in the dishwasher (on a hot water and heated dry cycle if you have one) to kill more germs.[3]
- Consider a sterilizer with a built-in dryer. Some moms value the peace of mind of a sterilizer — and its ability to dry bottle parts, too. "It's definitely by far worth the money," says Kjuly22, "especially for the middle-of-the-night feeds when you need to wash your pump parts and have them ready for the next feed in a couple hours, I needed that time saved for sleep. Even if you decide not to breastfeed it’s still worth it not drying bottles by hand or waiting hours for them to dry on their own."
- Prep formula ahead of time. "[A] formula pitcher has been game changing," says user johanst. "One of us will make a pitcher before we go to bed so that we can just pour and go as needed at night too. My girl is 6 months now and this has been our system for months." (The CDC confirms you can store prepared infant formula for up to 24 hours in the fridge.)[4]
36% feel "stuck" in a chair while feeding
Before baby arrives, the idea of breastfeeding can conjure a nirvana scene of mother and child bonding on an otherworldly level. While those moments can certainly occur, they might be punctuated with about four hours of doomscrolling on your phone each day while an infant suckles at your chest. There can be more purposeful ways to pass that time, say experienced moms.
Tips from other moms
- Listen to a book or podcast. "I listened to a lottttt of audiobooks. I got AirPods and the Libby/Hoopla apps," says user Mama8977898. "I couldn't focus enough to use a Kindle but doing audiobooks helped. I also binge a lot of podcasts, but they are all definitely mindless."
- Cross something off your list. "I worked on meal planning/daily to-do lists (things like shower, laundry, get mail lol) to keep myself organized," says cat988, while user SwingKat notes, "[I] answer all the texts and emails I neglected during the day."
- Find a change of scenery. Some moms advise exiting that chair whenever possible. "I've had to become very strategic — for my sanity!" says user Britfit. "I can do stuff like pump in the car on the way to the beach and then hang with baby and friends for two to three hours. Or breastfeed before going out to dinner and pump on the way home. I feel like it really extends my time between feeds because I'm not tied to the couch."
35% find that having the sole responsibility for feeding to be a challenge
There's a special kind of resentment inspired by watching your significant other snooze peacefully as you wake up to soothe and nurse a screaming baby at midnight … and 2:30 a.m. … and 3:52 a.m. … and again at dawn. No matter how egalitarian you try to make your relationship (and parenting), the breastfeeding parent inevitably carries much of the burden during the long, lonely nights of early parenthood. But there are healthy ways to grapple with the frustration, say moms who have been there.
Tips from other moms
- Split tasks. "My husband and I divvy up the responsibilities at night," says user mikosja. "I typically hear baby first, wake up husband, he gets up, changes the baby's diaper, hands them off to me, I breastfeed, then hand them off to husband who checks the swaddle, burps and puts them back down."
- Try a night shift system. Another mom, user Project_Bookbag, breaks the night into shifts with her partner. "Our IBCLC devised a great plan (great for my husband and me, anyway) which basically split the night into two shifts of equal duration," she writes. "It was really important to my husband that he was a true, equal co-parent, including all of the nighttime parenting sacrifices; and my IBCLC felt it was very important to my milk supply that I get at least a four-hour uninterrupted stretch of rest. So it was a win-win for us."
- Break it up by night and day. It might make sense for one parent to handle the nights, while the other picks up the slack during the daytime hours, especially if there's an older kid in the mix. "I always exclusively breastfed, so I didn't bother him at night, as I would have to be awake to pump anyway if I wanted to keep my supply up and prevent clogs. It didn't make sense for me to have him awake and tired when I needed him more during the day," says user jandk2016. "He always picked up the slack of laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. …which for me, was way more helpful."
- Communicate! "Don't be afraid to ask him for help," says user vanaustinmom. "I have to be pretty direct with my husband. Like say 'Can you do bath tonight so I can do X.' And on the weekends he knows I want to get out at least one of the days for an hour or two alone."
33% struggle with the time commitment of breastfeeding
Nearly half (43%) of moms in our survey said that breastfeeding can be a challenge. By the time you’ve finished feeding your baby, you may well only have an hour or two until it’s time to feed them again — and that cycle continues, day and night t.
Tips from other moms
- Remember it won't last forever. "The amount of time you spend nursing in the first month especially is like a full-time job," says user ashashi. "[And] your baby is now your job, so feel free to sit around and nurse your baby."
- Get comfortable. "Build up a little nest where you can breastfeed," says user MommaSilentberry. "Get your blankets, pillows, snacks and even some kind of entertainment (a TV, book, phone, tablet, whatever you want) to make a little corner of your home into your specific spot. If you can take some of the prep work out of breastfeeding, it'll be easier to focus on learning what works for you with less stress."
- Consider pumping or using formula. Pumping, combo feeding or switching to formula entirely means a partner or another person can step in and give you a break. "Be kind to yourself. Also, give yourself permission to pump and give a bottle if you need a break!" says user Fleurthefrenchcat. "If you get to where you are dreading feeding your baby, and it's preventing you from enjoying your baby, know that you have that option!" "Your baby is LUCKY to be getting a less-stressed mommy as a result of the switch," adds user etropz. "It will bring you closer together, not farther apart. Formula is wonderful!" As with so much of learning to be a parent, it's important to give yourself a huge serving of grace.
Methodology
Everyday Health Group Pregnancy & Parenting surveyed 2,075 women in June 2024 for its breastfeeding and formula survey. Respondents were U.S. women, age 18 to 54, who have a child 0 to 2 years old.
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