As a young girl I loved doing hair, and I knew I wanted to be a cosmetologist. In 2018, my dream came true when I obtained my license and started my own business. I've also always wanted to start a family — and when that dream came true, a hard reality hit. As a self-employed person in Mississippi, I wouldn't have a paid maternity leave.
My husband and I had suffered through multiple miscarriages — twins and a son — before having our rainbow baby, Shiloh. When we found out we were pregnant with her, we immediately started saving money; I wanted to be able to spend at least six weeks at home with our miracle baby. But in my field, you don't make money when you're not working. So, we put as much as we could to the side during my pregnancy to prepare.
I kept my client books filled, taking as many appointments as possible to save extra cash. Eventually, though, I had to cut my days and take care of my body and growing baby. Moving cautiously was important to me because of the fear I had about carrying her to term. I ended up working up until two weeks before Shiloh was born. But then, on my last day in the shop, my husband was let go from his job as a contracted truck driver. It was devastating for our financial plans.
Any assistance from the state would have been helpful, but Mississippi doesn't have a paid parental leave program. We didn't even qualify for food stamps through WIC.
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As a successful business owner, I've never had to ask for help from anyone. But physically, I couldn't go back to work. And looking at our savings versus our bills, we couldn't cover the necessities.
Every day, it felt like we were being squeezed more and more, and I eventually vented to my best friend, "Girl, this is getting tight!" All of our funds were going out (groceries, rent, utilities) and nothing was coming in.
Two weeks after Shiloh was born, I woke up with the idea to start a GoFundMe. I thought, If it works — good. If it doesn't — fine. I wasn't used to being in this position, and admittedly I felt a little ashamed. Looking at my newborn baby in my arms gave me the push I needed. Knowing who I was doing it for mattered far more than any pride I had, so I did something vulnerable and shared my story.
On the page, I openly laid out my life for anyone who wanted to support our little family. I wrote about my infertility and pregnancy losses. I shared the pregnancy complication I had experienced (incompetent cervix) and that I had to have a C-section. Lastly, I wrote that we had zero income coming in and that I needed insurance for my baby. Then I made the page public. I shared it on my Facebook page and texted the link to family members who didn't have social media.
At first, only my friends and family responded and contributed. Then, as they shared it, too, their friends began to contribute, and we even received some anonymous donations. I ended up receiving around $700 from GoFundMe. In the caption of my Facebook post, I also added my CashApp and received $1,000 that way. The money helped us pay for insurance, get groceries, buy specialized formula and probiotics for my daughter's digestive issues, and cover a couple of bills. All the support lifted an enormous weight from our shoulders.
Ultimately, I had six weeks exactly at home with Shiloh, and my husband started working another job a week before me. I was only able to have this time because of the financial help I got from other people.
Having to leave my baby when she was so small was still really difficult. Thankfully, family members stepped in to help. I take her to my mom's house a few minutes away in the morning and come back in the afternoon to nurse.
For moms in a similar situation who wouldn't receive maternity leave from an employer or are self-employed, here's what I'd suggest:
Request cash instead of gifts
Whether you're having a baby shower or are simply asked, "What do you need for the baby?" ask for cash or prepaid debit cards to assist with maternity leave. Friends and family may consider this easier than scavenging stores to determine what baby gear to buy.
If your loved ones insist on giving you a physical gift, make a wish list of what you know you'll need, like formula, diapers and bibs. That way, if funds get low, your essentials are covered, and your baby isn't lacking food or necessary items. As a first-time mom, I searched TikTok for suggestions on a baby's needs, and there are many other resources on newborn essentials.
Don't forget your own needs, too. For example, I knew I was going to have a C-section in advance, so I included care items for my incision and comfortable gowns on my list.
Have a couple of different ways to give
Some baby registry platforms offer the option to add a cash fund to your list. People can either purchase the necessary items you've registered for or give money, helping you spend those first precious weeks at home.
You can also share links to your Venmo, PayPal or CashApp. My GoFundMe was a great way for people I don't know to support me, but people who knew me personally mostly donated through my CashApp.
Start early
When I got the idea to create my GoFundMe, I was already caring for a newborn and watching bills pile up. If you already know you won't have paid maternity leave and want to try this route, ask for help a month or two before your due date instead of waiting for things to get hard like I did.
Don't let pride keep you from asking for help
You will never know how many people are willing to help you if you don't ask. It requires courage and humility, but remembering your why (or better yet, your who) can give you the resolve to shed the pride.
I'd never thought I'd need to create a GoFundMe to support my dream of becoming a parent, but I am so glad I did. I'm also grateful for all of the loved ones and strangers who stepped in to help. If you have the need like I did, I say try it. It just may work out.
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