The first few weeks postpartum are challenging for new and seasoned moms alike. You and baby are still settling into a routine, sleep remains a rare luxury and it’s a miracle if you remember to shower, let alone have time for self care.
Sex is probably not a priority in the first few weeks and even months after giving birth — and that’s okay. Whether you delivered vaginally or had a C-section, it takes time for your body to recover. Plus, with most of your energy focused on your new arrival, getting back into the mood might be difficult.
Once you’re looking to reconnect with your partner on an intimate level that doesn’t include spit-up, here are some guidelines that can help you kickstart your sex life after giving birth.
How long after birth can you have sex?
Although the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) says there is no set time for when a woman can start having sex after giving birth, many experts recommend waiting four to six weeks before you get back in the sack. Regardless of how you gave birth, your body is recovering during this time:
- If you had a vaginal birth, you may have had an episiotomy or a vaginal or perineal tear that's healing. If so, sex prior to four weeks postpartum could leave you susceptible to a vaginal infection.
- If you had a C-section, the same postpartum sex recommendations apply, though for many moms who gave birth via cesarean, recovery takes a little longer. Your practitioner may recommend waiting at least four weeks after the procedure to restart your sex life. Your incision takes time to heal, so it's especially important to get your practitioner's approval at your postpartum appointment.
Every woman is different, and you might feel like you need longer than six weeks to feel comfortable having sex again. However, if you’re ready to slip back between the sheets sooner, there are a few factors to consider.
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First, the risk of experiencing a complication after delivery is highest within the first two weeks, though waiting longer gives your body time to heal. You should also get clearance from your practitioner, whom you’ll likely see for your first postpartum appointment within three weeks of giving birth (and again around the 12-week mark). They will want to make sure all postpartum bleeding has stopped before you resume sex.
The bottom line? There’s no hard and fast rule, and as long as your practitioner has given you the green light, you can resume sex when you feel ready and comfortable.
What will postpartum sex feel like?
You just brought a new life into this world, and even if you sailed through your pregnancy and had the easiest labor and delivery, your body needs time to heal. Low levels of estrogen after birth and while breastfeeding can also contribute to various sex-related discomforts.
There are a multitude of postpartum sex experiences, and every woman is different. However, you may experience:
- Vaginal soreness or pain
- Vaginal dryness
- Discharge
- Breast discomfort and nipple soreness
- Backaches and overall achiness
- Joint pain
- Incision pain or numbness (if you’ve had a C-section)
For most women, these discomforts are temporary, and you should feel like more like yourself as your body heals. However, tell your practitioner about any symptoms that concern you, especially if you're experiencing painful sex that does not improve or if you have bleeding after sex or pass very large blood clots.
It's also very normal (and understandable) to feel fatigued, overwhelmed or have a low libido after giving birth. Be gentle on yourself and give yourself permission to wait or take things slowly if you're not up for sex as soon as you thought you might be.
How soon can you get pregnant again after giving birth?
Believe it or not, you can get pregnant again before you even have your first postpartum period — it’s technically possible to go from one pregnancy to another without having a period in between.
Since it’s difficult to know exactly when you’ll ovulate before you start having sex again, talk to your doctor at your postpartum checkup about birth control options if you're trying to prevent pregnancy. And despite what you may have heard, it is possible to get pregnant while breastfeeding, so if you're nursing, speak to your practitioner about breastfeeding-friendly contraception.
Experts recommend waiting at least 18 months between pregnancies, as this gives your body time to fully heal before getting pregnant again, which can help reduce the risk of issues such as premature birth.
How to ease back into sex after having a baby
Even if you’ve gotten the green light from your practitioner and you’re excited to get hot and heavy again, you should still take things at your own pace. To feel more comfortable easing back into sex, try the following:
- Start doing Kegels. Before you even have sex, you can start doing your Kegels again. These exercises engage and strengthen your pelvic floor, helping to increase blood flow, promote healing and improve muscle tone — all of which can help sex feel more comfortable once you're ready.
- Set the mood. Whatever it takes to help you relax — candles, a glass of wine (if you’re breastfeeding, drink it right after you’ve nursed) or a massage — do it!
- Take time to warm up. Your partner may not need as much — if any — foreplay, but don’t be afraid to ask for what you need (and then some). Putting in the effort to warming you up can make the main event better for both of you, so don’t be shy about vocalizing what does and doesn't feel good.
- Lubricate. Many new moms find lubricant to be essential when first easing back into sex after a baby. Lubricant can reduce pain and help increase pleasure.
- Get comfortable. Invest in postpartum sex helpers like a supportive pillow, which can alleviate pressure points and help you feel more comfortable in certain positions.
- Assume the position. Speaking of positions, take time to find ones that feel good. Woman on top or side-to-side might be easiest for your first few attempts, as these positions put less pressure on tender areas and give you control over the depth of penetration if you're having penetrative sex. And go at a slow, comfortable speed.
Common postpartum sex problems and solutions
Just because you feel mentally ready to start having sex again doesn’t necessarily mean your body will follow suit. Chances are, a lot has changed since you last had sex: You're physically healing from your delivery, your hormones may be wreaking havoc on your libido and your family’s new addition is likely draining much of your energy.
Remember that you’re not alone, and many new moms struggle with these challenges after giving birth. With time, you'll bring sex back into your life after having a baby — and enjoy it too.
The challenge: Sex hurts after giving birth
Maybe you’d read to expect painful postpartum sex, or heard it from your fellow mom friends. Maybe you were fully prepared for the possibility that sex after baby would feel uncomfortable. But didn’t your practitioner give you the all-clear? Shouldn’t you be filled with pleasure — not the dread of pain — at your partner’s touch?
Some new moms find that the pain of postpartum sex is short-lived — and isn’t anything that a little extra lubricant and some creative positioning can’t take the edge off in the meantime. But for others, especially those who had a significant tear to recover from, pain can be intense and surprisingly long-lasting.
If sex after baby is causing more pain than pleasure, talk to your practitioner. They might recommend taking an over-the-counter pain reliever like acetaminophen (Tylenol) or ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin) before intercourse. If you're breastfeeding, your estrogen levels are suppressed, which can lead to vaginal dryness and affect elasticity. Applying topical estrogen cream inside the vagina can help while you're nursing. Talk to your doctor about whether you should try it.
Your practitioner might also suggest scheduling an appointment for a thorough exam in case there's another reason for the pain, such as scar tissue at the site of your tear, or possibly a too tightly-stitched repair. A yeast or other infection could also be to blame.
You should continue strengthening your pelvic floor by keeping up a regular Kegel routine, and your practitioner may refer you to a pelvic floor therapist for additional help strengthening your pelvic floor if needed.
Although it's easier said than done, try to relax before sex — even a few minutes of meditation or a quick neck rub from your partner can help take your mind off the pain before it starts.
The challenge: You’re still bleeding after birth
Postpartum bleeding, also called lochia, is a normal part of recovery, whether you delivered vaginally or had a C-section. Bleeding is how your body gets rid of the extra blood, mucus and tissue it needed during pregnancy. While heavier bleeding typically tapers off after 10 days, you may continue to experience spotting up to six weeks after delivery.
You might also experience postpartum bleeding after having sex due to related symptoms such as vaginal dryness. Give it time, and bleeding should subside, but always check in with your practitioner to be safe.
That's especially true if bleeding persists past six weeks, or if you have signs of an infection or another more serious condition (such as a very heavy flow, passing very large blood clots, lochia with a foul smell, or you feel dizzy, nauseous or have a fever or chills).
The challenge: Your sex drive is lower after birth
A low libido after giving birth is common — after all, you're grappling with fatigue, decreased estrogen levels and the stress of caring for a tiny new person. If you're having a dry spell, reassure yourself that it's normal and not forever.
A great way to build back intimacy with your partner is through honest, non-confrontational dialogue. Sharing your feelings can be a healthy way to have your needs and concerns heard and supported.
Try scheduling some time for this (easier said than done, of course). It doesn’t have to be an elaborate night out where you leave the baby with Grandma; chatting over dinner or a walk around your neighborhood works too.
Let communication gradually build into physical intimacy. Holding hands, massages, cuddles and surprise makeout sessions are all fantastic ways to recapture that romantic, pre-baby spirit.
The challenge: Breastfeeding makes your breasts tender and leaky
Try either pumping or nursing before sex so your breasts don’t feel as full and sensitive. Wearing your nursing bra or a tank top during intercourse might also relieve some of the heaviness you feel.
The good news? As time goes on and you and baby establish a nursing routine, your breasts will become less sensitive.
The challenge: Sex just doesn’t feel the same after giving birth
If sex simply feels different, it may be the result of the muscles in the vaginal area being stretched during delivery. Continuing to do your Kegels can help improve muscle tone and strengthen your pelvic floor, and fortunately they're easy to do: You can do Kegels in the car, at your desk, while doing errands or while watching TV.
If the exercises don't seem to help, or sex feels painful or doesn't get more comfortable with time, talk to your practitioner.
How to steam up your sex life after having a baby
There’s no doubt that sex after baby requires a little more creativity: Privacy has gone out the window, and your exhaustion levels are at an all-time high.
Here are some small tweaks you can make to your routine to help get your pre-baby heat back:
- Find some alone time. Even if you’re not feeling up to the task, try to spend time together without your baby, either first thing in the morning, or after your little one goes to bed.
- Schedule smartly. Are you exhausted by the end of the night? If your schedules allow it, try to set aside time during the day to be intimate with your partner when you’re more likely to have the energy to engage.
- Get naked. Practicing skin-to-skin together can help you feel more connected. Even better, once baby is asleep, hop in the shower with your partner — chances are, you’re overdue for one, anyway, so you might as well turn it into an opportunity to spend some steamy time together.
- Touch each other. A simple caress or lingering kiss can reignite passion, even if sex isn’t possible at the moment.
- Leave the bedroom. It sounds counterintuitive, but right now, your bed is where you need to get your rest. So try spicing things up by making love in another part of your home — the couch, laundry room, you name it. Just make sure the baby is asleep or with a sitter!
- Get playful. Go beyond your trusty vibrator and experiment with new toys together. You can also try role-playing or erotic games.
- Share your fantasies. Learning something new about what turns you both on can help you explore new ways to reignite the passion.
Finally, give yourself time as you adjust to your new normal. If you’re not feeling ready for a romp in the sheets for a few months after bringing baby home, that’s okay. Know that you're not alone, and there are other ways to be intimate with your partner.
In the meantime, keep an open line of communication with your partner about how you’re feeling, and always reach out to your practitioner if you experience any symptoms you're concerned about.
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