It's not uncommon for non-birthing partners to seem nervous about breastfeeding. Sometimes they feel excluded or even a little bit jealous (or afraid that they will feel that way once the little bundle arrives), or they might worry that they can't do as much for the baby. Some are just unfamiliar with breastfeeding, so they don't grasp the many benefits it offers to both moms and babies.
At the same time, their breastfeeding partners may also feel nervous about the process and the potential challenges they'll encounter along the way. Here's how the two of you can support each other emotionally and physically during the postpartum period while giving your baby the best nutritional start possible.
How partners can participate in breastfeeding
There are many ways to bring a non-nursing partner into the joys of breastfeeding. Both of you can attend a breastfeeding class during pregnancy so you can hear firsthand about the many benefits of nursing — plus all the ways a non-nursing partner can support breastfeeding.
He or she can:
- Bring over the baby when it's time to nurse.
- Help position the baby for a good latch.
- Bring a glass of water, a box of tissues, cold compresses, fresh nursing pads, lanolin cream or anything else needed in the middle of a feeding.
How partners can support nursing moms
It's no secret that breastfeeding a newborn can be hard work, even if it looks relaxing. A little help from the non-nursing parent will go a long way towards giving a breastfeeding mom the much-needed support she needs right now. Tasks to chip in on or take over include:
- Changing the baby's diapers
- Putting the baby to sleep after feedings
- Preparing meals and snacks — she'll need to eat well to make milk for the baby!
- Bathing the baby
- Wearing the baby in a sling or carrier (and taking her for a stroll around the neighborhood, if weather allows)
- Feeding the baby a bottle as needed
- Offering encouraging words while she breastfeeds
- Supporting her decision to breastfeed, especially if other family members are discouraging or unfamiliar with the process
- Doing skin-to-skin time with the baby when she is done nursing so that she can take care of herself
When and why partners might be nervous about breastfeeding
When non-nursing partners are nervous about breastfeeding, they may be worried about the stress it could cause on their counterparts or the relationship itself.
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If you're the nursing parent, your best bet is to be kind, encouraging and to try to get them to open up. Figuring out what, specifically, is troubling them is a great first step. Try simply being direct: "Honey, you seem nervous about breastfeeding. Can we talk about it?"
If that's not your partner's style, try presenting it as a shared decision instead of a done deal: "I think I'd like to breastfeed, but I really want your input. Can we research it together?" That creates the opportunity to talk through any particular concerns, and for you both to learn how breastfeeding will benefit your baby's development.
You could even enlist some help: Does your partner have a friend whose partner breastfed (or is still breastfeeding)? Maybe they would be willing to help dispel some of your partner's fears.
Benefits of breastfeeding for partners
Keeping non-nursing partners in the know can also help them feel more invested in breastfeeding, so brush up on the breastfeeding basics together. Know that the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends breastfeeding exclusively through 6 months of age and then continuing to breastfeed even after solid foods are introduced for as long as mutually desired — for two years or beyond.
Research shows non-nursing partners' involvement and support can help extend the time that their babies are breastfed.
When a non-nursing parent nurtures, cuddles and responds to an infant's needs, a lifelong bond starts to develop. This crucial relationship will allow a child to feel close to both parents, and help him feel safe and secure as he develops.
Breastfeeding and sex
There's no reason to avoid sexual relations when a mom is breastfeeding. Just be aware that a breastfeeding woman may have little vaginal lubrication when she becomes sexually excited, so using lubrication is a good idea. Also remember that her nipples may be especially sensitive, so take care with them when you are intimate.
Most importantly, don't use breastfeeding as a contraceptive. Even if her period hasn't returned yet, she can still get pregnant during this time.
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