Courtney Kafka as told to Tracey M. Lewis-Giggetts
I have eight children and I'm currently nursing numbers seven and eight, but I first decided to try breastfeeding two at once when I was pregnant with my fourth child, Jude. I got pregnant when my third daughter, Adelaide, was just 6 months old, and because I wasn't ready to stop breastfeeding her, I began to look into tandem nursing.
At the time, I didn't know there was a term for nursing two babies at once. But after doing some research, I was motivated to continue breastfeeding my daughter through my pregnancy and after my son was born.
In that first round of tandem breastfeeding, I nursed Adelaide and Jude together for 18 months; Adelaide weaned when she was 2 1/2 years old. Last year, when I became pregnant with my eighth child and my seventh, Sophie, was 4 months old, I realized we were going to have to delve into the tandem nursing world again.
The second time around, I was actually more nervous. Tandem nursing can be incredibly tiring and I’m older than I was the first time. Sophie is now 18 months old and my youngest son, Jonas, is 4 months old. They are both gaining weight and doing well, but the experience has been very different.
Tandem nursing is not for everyone. Not only does it require a significant amount of time and energy, but there can certainly be some difficult moments. In our family, one of the biggest challenges has been helping Sophie adjust to the newborn who is now taking up space she once held. We are working to help our toddler deal with her jealousy, but sometimes I have to hide in the other room when I’m nursing Jonas because she’ll get so angry.
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Her tantrums usually happen in the morning when they both want to nurse at the same time. Apparently, Mommy time is a premium in the early hours! Often, Jonas will be in the room with me, and my husband feeds Sophie breakfast or one of my older kids will take care of her. But sometimes one of the big kids will come to my door holding her while I'm nursing and, because she’s not super verbal yet, she will scream and reach out her chubby little arms.
"What are you doing?” I imagine her saying to the baby. “You’re in my spot!”
To manage this, we try to make sure someone else tends to her during those moments. If she’s really sad, I’ll nurse them both together. Nursing two children simultaneously is difficult, though, since Jonas still needs to be held close while he nurses. I have larger breasts, so I need to hold them for the baby — a challenge when a toddler is also holding them. Not to mention, I have a fast letdown, which can sometimes be too much for the little one. All of this can make me feel a bit like an acrobat, so I usually try to breastfeed them back to back instead of at the same time.
The logistics of feeding both Sophie and Jonas are even more challenging since I've chosen not to pump. The reason? As a stay at home mom of eight currently living through a pandemic, our family is home together all the time. Bottle-feeding would be one extra thing for me to do — since I'd have to both pump and feed them. I also don't find pumping nearly as easy as nursing, and my babies have struggled to take a bottle.
I do sometimes think about what it would be like to not be Mommy’s Breast Milk Restaurant 24 hours a day. But right now, it seems like bottle-feeding would make things even harder. It's been better for all of us to just have me exclusively breastfeeding.
Despite these challenges, tandem nursing was one of the best choices I’ve made for my children. I love the special bond that the two children can have with each other. There is an indescribable closeness that my first two tandem babies share to this day, and it fills my heart with so much joy to see.
While tandem nursing isn’t for every family, if you feel like it's the right choice for your babies and you're willing to do it, you should know that it's doable to extend your breastfeeding journey and nurse two children at once. It's been an excellent decision for me and my family and that’s all that really matters — what’s best for you and yours.
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