It’s certainly not something that new parents enjoy thinking about. But having a will is one of the most important things you can do to protect your family, and it’s especially crucial to have one once you have children who depend on you.

Just the thought of drawing up a will can feel overwhelming. Here’s everything you should know to make the process of writing a will as seamless as possible — and how to make sure it takes care of your family.

Why parents need a will

A will ensures that your wishes with regards to your family and assets are carried out upon your death. Each parent needs his or her own will. Here’s why:

  • To name the preferred guardian of minor children, the person or people who will raise your kids.
  • To identify how you want your assets distributed (e.g., your house, your car, your jewelry, even your clothing). Without a will, your estate will be handled in probate court. The court will determine how to distribute your property and assets, and the result may differ from what you would have chosen. If your child is a minor, state courts will appoint someone to hold and disperse funds until your child is legally considered an adult, typically at age 18.
  • To choose an “executor,” or the person (often a spouse, adult child or other close family member) who will disburse funds or administer your will upon your death. This person is responsible for seeing that all your requests are fulfilled, taxes and debts are paid and that your property is distributed to your heirs, so pick someone you trust implicitly and who can handle the financial duties of overseeing an estate.
  • To establish and carry out a trust. In some cases, parents may want to establish a trust. This allows you to control how and when your assets are given to your children. For example, you might not want your children to have unconstrained access to their inheritance. If you establish a trust, your funds will be held in that trust and controlled by another person to be allocated as you see fit throughout your children’s lifetimes.

Do you need a lawyer to write a will?

You don’t need a lawyer to create a will. There are even online will-making services that will help you create a will after answering a questionnaire. However, it’s a good idea to work with an estate planning lawyer who can help you maneuver the process and make sure you’re properly protecting your family. Yes, it will cost more than doing a will yourself, but an attorney will ensure you're covering all your bases, including things you may not know exist.

Here are some tips when choosing a lawyer:

  • Call your state bar association to ask for lawyer recommendations.
  • Talk to more than one attorney before choosing the right one for you. 
  • Make sure your attorney specializes in wills, trusts and estates (also known as estate planning).
  • Choose an attorney who is licensed in your state, as estate laws can vary from state to state.

If you can't afford a lawyer, it’s still better to have some kind of will, even if you write it yourself. For many people, a basic one that names an executor, nominates a guardian and outlines who gets what possessions is better than nothing at all.

How to write a will

If you're a new parent, you should write up a will as soon as possible after your baby is born or adopted. It's also a good idea to update it if you have more children, or any time you undergo a big life change (such as if you get divorced or lose a spouse).

When you begin preparing your will, here are the steps you should keep in mind:

  1. Choose a legal executor, the person who will “execute" your wishes as laid out in your will.
  2. Do an inventory of your assets and liabilities. Basically, you want to know what you have and what will need to be paid off if you pass away.
  3. Decide how you want to allocate your assets or who will inherit your estate.
  4. Talk to your chosen guardian to make sure he or she understands and is willing to take care of your children upon your death.
  5. Consider a "living will" in addition to your will. This allows you to direct your end-of-life medical care. Your estate attorney can help you prepare the documents along with your will, since laws for living wills may vary from state to state.
  6. Talk to a financial planner or tax attorney if you’re concerned about estate taxes. This is also helpful if your estate is large or complex.
  7. Have an attorney prepare a will that adheres to your wishes and your state’s laws.
  8. Sign the will in the presence of two witnesses who are not named in the will. You may also want it to be notarized.

How to choose a guardian

When drawing up your will, you should also choose a legal guardian who would have full custody of your child should you pass away. For many parents, this is the most important — and likely also the most challenging — part of the process.

You'll want to choose a guardian who you trust to raise your children in the way that you want them to be raised. A few factors you might want to consider when thinking about who would make a good guardian include his or her values, parenting style, religion and where they live, as well as whether or not they're financially capable and physically able to take care of your children.

Also important: If you are a same-sex couple, make sure that you have a "second parent adoption." This means that whether or not your same-sex relationship is recognized by the state you live in, both parents have legal custody of their partner’s adopted or biological children in the event of death.