Ovulation calendars. Sperm counts. Urinating on a test strip. Aren't you having fun baby-making? Not! Trying for a baby can be very trying if you're, well, trying.
Although you and your partner may be physically closer than ever, your emotional connection may take a hit with all that pressure on both of you to perform. Chances are, you'll hit that sex-on-demand rut that many hopeful parents-to-be find themselves in when sex becomes a means towards an end (in this case, a baby) rather than a means towards a "happy ending."
But baby-making doesn't have to feel like a chore, even with ovulation and pregnancy kits lining the bathroom counter. Here's how to nurture your twosome as you work to make your family a threesome.
Take a mini vacation
When you're trying to get pregnant, sex can start to feel routine. Spice it up by switching up the location. If you're able, sneak off to a hotel for the night. Add in a spa treatment (or give each other a massage at home) to de-stress and get in the mood.
If you can't get away, change the scenery by taking your lovemaking out of the bedroom — something that'll be much harder once you have a little one around! Try the living room or the kitchen.
Watch a sexy movie
It won't just get you both in the mood — it may actually help you conceive faster! In one study, when researchers had men watch a scene with sexual content right before doing the deed, they found that the sperm they produced was of higher quality.[1] (Yes, really!)
Other research has found that it can increase levels of progesterone, a sex hormone thought to increase romantic behavior.[2]
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Set the scene
Get yourself a sexy nightie, light some candles, crank up some get-in-the-mood music and let the hanky-panky begin! Or make things a little more playful with a game like strip poker or nude Twister or your favorite R-rated board game. When the lovemaking is over, spend some time cuddling. (It might increase your odds of getting pregnant — it gives the sperm time to get through your cervix!)
Spice it up
Surprise him (and maybe yourself) by doing something out of the ordinary: Invest in some sex toys, crank up the passion with something sweet (chocolate syrup, anyone?) or try a new position. Although you may have heard fertility myths that the missionary position or penetration from behind are best for babymaking, any sex position will do for conception — so try them all!
Steer clear of lubricants and oral sex when trying to get pregnant, though — saliva and lubricants can damage sperm.
Laugh a little
There's no question that babymaking is serious business. But if you loosen up a little, it's not only good for your relationship — it's one of the best ways to relax, too.
Stream that silly comedy you were embarrassed about actually going to see in a movie theater, or catch up on old episodes of Saturday Night Live. Look for the humor in trying to conceive wherever you can, including frantic temperature checks and dashes to the bedroom. Remember, laughter's the best medicine, and it can help you get through those first months or years after your baby finally arrives, too.
Sex up your phones
Spice up your normal texts with some suggestive messages or alluring pictures to whet his appetite for what's on the menu tonight (hint: you). Spell out exactly what you will — and will not — be wearing, and what you want to happen. You'll keep him in anticipation and on edge for the rest of the day.
Up the romance
Think moonlit strolls holding hands, dinner by candlelight, cuddling in front of the fireplace. Focus on the romance and see what happens next.
But whatever you do, make sure you keep talking. The physical is only part of it. Stay connected emotionally by sharing your feelings about sex, conception and your future life as parents. This will take both your romance and your relationship a long way.
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