Ever feel like having a little human comes with just as many nerve-wracking moments as joyful ones? You’re not alone: 48% of parents say their stress is completely overwhelming most days, compared to 26% of adults who aren't parents, per data from the American Psychological Assocation cited by the U.S. Surgeon General’s office. The stats on how stressed out parents are is so alarming that the Surgeon General issued an advisory today on the mental health and wellbeing of parents.
“We seriously underestimate how parents are doing right now and the struggles that they're going through,” says U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy. He cites stressors ranging from the financial struggles of raising a child today, to trying to keep them safe in the face of threats like social media and gun violence, to increased loneliness among parents.
While he encourages parents to be open about their struggles — “It's really important for us to try to normalize some of these challenges,” he says — the burden shouldn’t be on parents to solve their own mental health crisis.
The advisory calls on the government to implement better policies — policies that would improve access to benefits like paid leave, affordable childcare and mental health services. It also encourages employers and community organizations to offer more flexibility for parents — and for family and friends to step up, as well, since many parents have lost their “village.”
“We need to really look at parenting as a team sport,” he says. “This isn't something any of us can do on our own."
What to Expect research helps paint a clear picture of the mental health crisis that parents are dealing with right now.
The majority of moms (75%) say they don't have enough support in the form of a "village," according to a What to Expect survey of more than 3,000 women. This is taking a toll on moms’ mental health: 68% say they are experiencing anxiety, with more than a third (35%) saying that anxiety is moderate to severe. Gen Z moms are even more likely to be struggling, with 79% saying they’re dealing with anxiety. This might be in part because 83% of Gen Z moms say they feel pressure to be a perfect parent.
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Some of moms’ top stressors, according to What to Expect’s research:
Safety: This includes online safety and school safety.
Lack of time: Moms told us they don’t have time for themselves, sleep or balancing work and family.
Finances: Parents are worried about inflation, the cost of raising a child and having money for future planning.
Development: This encompasses a child’s emotional/social health and also their education.
For his part, Dr. Murthy says he always assumed parents were more or less blissful — until he had his own children. He says his son struggled with feeding and sleep but that he didn’t know how to ask for help — or even that others were struggling with the same issues that he was dealing with. “We want to try to peel back some of these layers of shame and guilt and stigma that make too many parents feel like they can't talk about their struggles because they're admitting to being a bad parent.”
What Dr. Murthy experienced is something that a lot of parents can relate to.
“I feel like maybe I’m royally screwing up because some people seem to have it all together,” writes one What to Expect community member. “I’m constantly feeling overwhelmed no matter how much help I get.”
"People think, 'Oh, well, I must be doing something wrong because everybody else looks so happy,'" Shari Lusskin, M.D., a perinatal psychiatrist at Mount Sinai Medical Center and member of the What to Expect Medical Review Board, told What to Expect in an interview when we originally published our survey results. “You don't have to be perfect — you have to be good enough. Take what people say under advisement, and figure out which approach works best for you and your family. But there is no perfect.”
You can read more about the U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory at surgeongeneral.gov/parents.
And if you need immediate support, the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline is a free, 24/7 hotline with real-time, confidential support. Call or text 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262) to speak to a professional counselor.
Methodology
Everyday Health Group Pregnancy & Parenting surveyed 3,232 women in October 2022 for its Motherhood Matrix Study. Respondents were U.S. women, age 18–54 who were either pregnant or have a child 0 to 8 years old.
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