Your toddler has no problem peeing in the potty. But when it comes to number two, that’s a whole different story. Your child might just sit and sit with no result. Then, as soon as the Pull-Up or underwear is back on, he's letting it all out with no problem.
As frustrating as it may be, your toddler's refusal to poop on the potty is normal during the potty training process. Have a little patience (okay, a lot). Eventually, your child will master this potty training skill too.
Why do some toddlers refuse to poop when potty training?
Since your toddler pees in the toilet with no problem, you’re probably confused about the potty training poop issue. Kiddos this age resist pooping in the potty for several reasons:[1]
- Fear. Some little ones have trouble pooping because they’re afraid they'll fall into the toilet. Others have a fear of flushing (or the loud noise it makes), or are bothered by the idea of losing a part of themselves when the poop disappears down the bowl.[2]
- Discomfort. This is especially likely to factor in if your child recently had a large or painful poop due to constipation. He might be afraid that the next one will hurt too, so he tries not to go.
- Control. The more you push him to poop, the more your tot may enjoy his power to hold it in.
- Feeling pressured. Though the desire to get your child to poop on the potty is completely understandable, too much stress or pressure may cause him to resist.
- Life changes or other stressors. Changes in your child's life like a new baby sibling, a move to a new house, a death or illness in the family, a divorce, or another traumatic event can cause some kids to have poop problems. That’s due to the brain-gut connection: Stressful situations affect the brain, which can then impact the gut.
- He wants to play. Pooping can take a while (it's not quick like peeing), so some toddlers may not want to interrupt playtime to take a potty break.
- He's not developmentally ready. Yes, even if they’re showing signs they’re ready to potty train or they’re peeing in the potty, they may not be ready to do the big number two, as that requires a little more effort. They must sense that they have the urge to go, communicate that with someone, get to the potty and then relax their muscles in the proper way. It’s a lot harder than just letting it out in a diaper.
How to get a toddler to poop on the potty
One day your toddler’s poop-on-the-potty resistance will be a thing of the past. In the meantime, there are ways to get your toddler closer to the big finale.
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Help him feel secure. If your tot is having trouble pooping because he’s afraid of falling into the toilet, make sure the potty seat fits your toilet well and isn’t shaky. The same goes for the step stool, which should be steady as a rock. Or offer your child the option of using a potty chair (pick one with a sturdy base that won’t tip over when he gets up).
Prevent painful poops. Make sure your toddler is enjoying ample fruits, vegetables and whole grains and talk to your pediatrician about adding a stool softener if necessary. Have him drink plenty of fluids too, especially water.
Talk about it. If your toddler refuses to poop on the potty, try to find out what might be going on. Ask him what he's worried about, sympathize with his feelings and then try to help address the issues to calm his fears.
Hold off on flushing. If the sound of rushing water spooks your sweetie so much that he has trouble pooping, wait until he’s out of the room before flushing. As he becomes more comfortable with the noise, gradually close the distance — he can stand in the next room, in the hallway, at the doorway and so on. Then, when he’s ready, ask him if he wants to push down on the lever himself.
Say good-bye. If your tot seems anxious when he catches sight of his poop swirling down the drain, encourage him to wave bye-bye to it before flushing. It can make him feel better about the separation.
Do some test runs. Practice pooping by doing some test runs with toilet paper only. Be matter-of-fact (but clear about what’s flushable) during the process, though. Otherwise, your little one may think it’s fun to flush down his toys, your keys or the sitter’s cellphone.
Turn to books. Sometimes characters in books can help give children the push they need to finally drop a deuce in the potty. Try reading books like Everyone Poops, Where’s the Poop? and We Poop on the Potty!.
Transport the poop. If your toddler won't poop on the potty and instead does it in a diaper or Pull-Up, take him to the toilet and empty the poop. Then say: “Poop goes in the potty.” That will help him understand where he's supposed to poop.
Visit the potty after meals. The brain tells the stomach to get to work pooping shortly after meals (called the gastrocolic reflex). Take advantage of this and have your toddler sit on the potty about 15 to 30 minutes after a meal.
Work with your toddler's schedule. Pay attention to when your child normally has bowel movements. Maybe he goes every day after his nap or right before bedtime. Take your soon-to-be potty pooper (fingers crossed) to the potty at the time he usually goes.
Watch for the signs. Chances are your tot probably has some telltale signs that mean a poop is about to happen, such as squatting in the corner, grunting or getting quiet. When you spot one of those signs, let your child know it means he’s about to poop. Then take him to the potty.
Show how it’s done. If you feel comfortable, have your child sit in the bathroom on the potty while you do your own business. Let him know what you’re doing (“Mommy’s going poop in the potty”). It may even help if you let him take a peek and see you flush it away when you're done.
Call in reinforcements. A few words of encouragement from a caring but neutral outsider (a preschool teacher, doctor or grandparent) can carry more weight than a parent’s pleas.
Make it a relaxing experience. Remember, if you’re pressuring your kid to poop, that can put things at a standstill. Make potty breaks enjoyable. Tell your munchkin a cool story, sing a potty song or let him flip through one of his potty books. Who knows? A little distraction may help make it happen.
Praise every step. Don’t wait for your sweetie to poop in the potty before you pour on the accolades. Give him props whenever he accomplishes a task you’ve assigned (or even tries). This can be for letting you know he has to go to the potty, pulling down his pants, sitting on the potty, attempting to poop on the potty or reaching the ultimate goal and actually pooping on the potty. Claps, high fives, hugs or stickers on a potty chart can go a long way. Also, don’t forget verbal praise. For example, “Good job letting Mama know you have to go potty!” or “Aren’t you proud of yourself for sitting on the potty?” That lets your toddler know you’re pleased, which means he’ll be more likely to do it again next time.
Stay calm. Don't get upset, scold or punish your child for refusing to poop in the potty or for pooping elsewhere. That will only cause him more stress, which will make things even tougher. Remember, your child is new to this and in the learning phase. Accidents will happen. Keep your cool, clean up the mess and let your little one try again next time.
Take a break. Tell your child that when he’s ready, he can try pooping in the potty again and that you’ll be there to help. Then lay off the topic, and let him feel like he’s in the driver’s seat. Above all, never force a child who has trouble pooping on the potty to sit there when he doesn’t want to. It’ll not only make him more resistant (and scared, if his fears are holding him back), it can also lead to constipation.
When to call the doctor
Usually, refusal to poop in the potty is a totally normal thing for new potty trainees. However, it’s never a bad idea to speak with your child’s pediatrician to rule out constipation or other issues. Contact your doc if your tot refuses to go and you notice any of the following:
He seems to be in a lot of pain.
He’s constantly straining when trying to poop.
His bowel movements are small, dry pebbles.
Your toddler hasn’t had a bowel movement in days.
Your child’s underwear is stained with poop, which can be a sign of constipation.
There’s blood in the stool.
Your child is also experiencing vomiting or has eating or weight issues.
Your child has special needs, such as cerebral palsy, spina bifida or other challenges, that might affect his potty training abilities.
Your toddler still won't poop on the toilet after two or three months of trying.
Although you’re probably beyond ready to be done with poopy diapers, be patient. Remember, kids develop different skills at their own pace. Be encouraging toward and supportive of your little one during this process. The good news: Most children have bowel control and are happily pooping on the potty by age 3 or 4.
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