Back when you were pregnant, deciding when you’d return to work after maternity leave might have seemed pretty straightforward. But now that you’ve been home with your baby and that circled date is getting closer, the transition likely feels anything but simple.
Even in the very best of circumstances — perhaps you were lucky enough to take as much time off as you wanted, or you can't wait to return to your job — going back to work can be challenging for many women. There are logistics to put in place, like child care, coordinating schedules with your partner and making a plan for pumping. But just as significant are the range of (very normal!) emotions you may be experiencing from anxiety to anticipation to guilt: How are you possibly going to leave your baby?
The onslaught of details and feelings can feel overwhelming at times. That said, millions of women have managed the transition — and you’ll get back into the swing of things too. These tips can help.
Ask for flexibility
With work, that is. If going back to your full-time pre-pregnancy schedule doesn’t feel doable (or desirable), talk to your boss before you come back about other options. Can you switch to more flexible hours, work from home part-time or even job share, if it makes sense for your position? Be prepared to suggest ways that a flexible arrangement might work so your boss knows you're serious about making your new situation successful.
If you know you just need some more time getting back into your groove, consider asking your boss about an on-ramping option. These programs, which gradually ease employees back into full-time work over the period of a few weeks (often at full pay), have grown in popularity in recent years among parents coming back from leave.
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Have a backup child care plan
Figuring out your child care set-up is a must, of course. Test out options ahead of your return date so you, your caregiver and your baby feel more comfortable when it's time to go back to work.
You’ll also want to have one or two backups for when your baby gets sick, your child care facility is closed or your babysitter unexpectedly gets stuck in traffic. (Because it’ll happen.)
Family members or friends might be an obvious first choice, but they’re not your only option. Many employers offer backup child care setups, and if your child goes to day care, her provider can often suggest alternate care plans.
Once you’ve got your backups in place, compile a list with their contact information and availability so it’s easy to access. If the backup isn’t familiar with your child, consider making a “get-to-know-me” profile with basic details about her sleep and eating routines, likes and dislikes, and any important medical or allergy information.
Get into a routine (and practice it)
Babies and toddlers do best when their days are organized and predictable. If it’s possible and you haven’t already, try to maintain the same routine every morning. This is important for helping your family get into a normal rhythm. Remember, practice makes perfect!
Your process doesn’t have to be intricate or involved. Just keep it consistent: Maybe you snuggle with the baby during her first feeding while your partner gets ready, then they take over to read books and do playtime while you get ready, and you do a final feeding (if needed) before heading out the door.
Prep for pumping
If you’re planning to continue breastfeeding, make the transition to pumping and bottles a gradual one. Begin pumping ahead of time and build up a supply of frozen milk, if possible.
Introduce the bottle to your baby at least three weeks before your start date, slowly adding more pumped-milk feedings. (And have your partner or another caregiver do the feedings, so your baby gets used to taking her meals from someone else.) This transitional approach will help your baby adjust and give you plenty of time to get the hang of pumping.
Make a plan, too, for when and where you’ll pump at work. Give your employer a heads up that you’ll be pumping and confirm that there’s a clean, private space for you to pump that's not a bathroom. You're legally entitled to one.
Start midweek
Schedule your first day for later in the week so your first week back at work is a short one (minimizing the amount of time you spend away from your little one right off the bat). It’s a simple move, but it’ll make those first few days feel that much easier.
Prioritize, prioritize, prioritize
Time management at work is more important now than ever (read: no late nights at the office). After all, you've got a pretty compelling reason to get your work done (and done well) waiting for you at home.
If you weren’t big on daily to-do lists before, now’s a great time to start making them for work and home. Figure out what needs to be done and what can wait (maybe a little while, or maybe indefinitely). If you're pumping, make time for it in your schedule.
Learn to get comfortable with delegating too — with your coworkers and your partner or family members. The more nonessentials you can take off your plate, the more you can focus on what matters.
Reach out to others
Just like those hazy newborn days, going back to work is a transitional time where you’ll need to lean into your support circle. Talk with your partner, friends or other working moms about how you’re feeling, especially if you’re sad, guilty or just overwhelmed.
If you’re struggling with pumping — a common challenge among working moms — consider meeting with a lactation consultant to find ways to make it more manageable. (That said, if it just isn’t working out and you need to stop, that’s okay too.)
Make time for yourself
Easier said than done? Absolutely. But if you're completely exhausted and emotionally depleted, you won't do either of your "jobs" well. Get as much rest as possible by going to bed at a reasonable time and try to nap when the baby naps on the weekends. Work in some exercise, even if it’s just going to yoga once a week. Both will go a long way towards helping you feel your best.
Finally, fit at least a little fun time just for you into your week (even if that means saying no to other commitments). Take that book you’ve been wanting to read to a coffee shop for an hour on the weekend, meet a friend in the park or plan a mid-week bath one night after the baby goes to bed.
Expect — and allow — all feelings
Going back to work after maternity leave can be hugely overwhelming and stressful. That’s okay: All big transitions take some adjustment. The emotions — often conflicting ones — can come as a flood.
You may experience separation anxiety from being away from your baby after so much time together, and, of course, working mom guilt — feeling inadequate and unable to measure up, at home or at work. Uncertainty is also a common emotion at this point, especially about how often to check in with your caregiver or how much you should be pumping.
On the other hand? Being back at work allows you to — well, maybe at least some of the time — take some pleasure in honing your professional skills and accomplishments. That’s nothing to feel bad about; it doesn’t mean you’re less of a mom or less invested in your child than other moms. It just means you have something that makes you feel good about yourself — what a great example for your little one!
The important thing is to value your own needs and ignore other people’s opinions. Make decisions based on what you think is best for your baby and yourself. And whenever those feelings of guilt start to creep in, remind yourself: When you care for yourself, you’re also helping your baby.
Allow yourself to enjoy the good emotions — the sense of pride that comes from doing work you enjoy, for instance, and the relief of knowing that your baby is okay when you’re apart. Accepting these happy feelings instead of feeling guilty or ashamed about them can help you better tolerate the bad ones.
Stay present
Many women feel as if they “lose” the last few weeks of their maternity leave because they’re looking toward the future and focusing on what’s going to happen.
Instead, try to stay present, appreciate the break from work and cherish the time you have with your baby. Then, when you are apart, you can happily reminisce over the memories you have of your first weeks together.
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