While the switch from sleeping solo to bunking with the new baby may be tough for your toddler at first, many older siblings end up really enjoying room-sharing with younger ones.
In fact, when your toddler and baby share a room, there’s a good chance that both will fall asleep easier and bond more quickly. Another plus: Your toddler will pick up some valuable lessons in communicating and cooperating.
In the meantime, prep your toddler by considering these sharing-a-room-with-baby ideas. And don’t forget to take plenty of time to help your tot through the transition from only child to big sibling.
When can my toddler and baby start sharing a room?
Ideally, you’d want to wait until your baby hits the 6-month mark. Before then, try to keep your newborn’s crib or bassinet in your room if you can.
There are a few reasons for this. First, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that babies room-share (never bed-share) with their parents for the first six months, and possibly the first year, to help prevent sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).
There are also practical considerations. During those early months, putting the baby in your room can make those middle-of-the-night feedings faster and easier. Your older child will also have more time to get used to sharing his life with the newest member of the family.
If at all possible, you may also want to hold off on the kids rooming together until the baby is (mostly) sleeping through the night or at least clocking in longer stretches of sleep at a time. That way, there are fewer chances that you’ll have to soothe two kids back to sleep when the baby wakes up your tot.
During those first six or so months, talk up your toddler's baby sibling in positive ways so he'll have something to look forward to when his new roommate moves in.
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Tips for toddler and baby room-sharing
There are going to be challenges when a baby and an older sibling share a room. Some of these may be safe sleep or childproofing issues — i.e. a toy your toddler plays with or a small blanket your tot takes to bed aren’t safe for your baby if she gets her hands on them — and others are practical things to keep in mind as you juggle two kids of different ages, at different stages, with their own routines, temperaments and needs.
Here is some advice for setting the room and routine up before you move the baby in.
Keep your toddler in his crib, for now — if he hasn’t begun climbing out of it nearly every night, that is. The AAP recommends switching to a big-kid or toddler bed once your tot is taller than 35 inches, or when the side rail in the crib is less than three-quarters of his height (approximately mid-chest level). If your little one isn’t that tall, and he’s not curious about escaping the crib’s confines, then it’s advised to postpone the move to a big-kid bed to as close to age 3 as possible if you can. It’s also safer since it prevents nighttime wanderings.
Put your baby and your toddler on opposite sides of the room if you think your toddler needs some privacy (many don’t). But it may make the bedroom look bigger if your toddler and baby are sharing a small room. There’s no need for a room divider or screen. Most kids like seeing each other.
Stagger bedtimes if you can… If the baby goes down at 7 p.m., consider delaying your toddler's bedtime and tuck him in at 7:30 p.m. He'll appreciate being made to feel like a big boy by staying up a little later than the baby — and getting to spend extra time with you. Get him into his PJs in another room, even if it’s yours, and give your toddler a choice of where he wants to read. For instance, let him decide if he wants storytime in your bed or a cozy chair in the family room.
…But a single bedtime is okay too. When your oldest is sharing a room with a baby, it might be simpler just to have one bedtime routine. That way, you and your toddler don’t have to creep into the room or whisper goodnight for fear of waking the baby. There’s room on your lap for a baby and a toddler when you’re reading books. Or if your partner helps with bedtime duties, space out the routine so you read and cuddle with your toddler while your partner focuses on the baby, and then switch the following night.
Clear out toys. Corral smaller items that could be unsafe for babies, such as toy cars, in baskets or bins that your littlest one can’t get into and keep them out of the shared room.
Childproof the room for both babies and toddlers. Make sure the rest of the room is baby- and toddler-proofed too. Anchor furniture to the floor or wall as necessary so it can’t tip over if one of the kids tries to climb or pull up on it. Don’t put the crib or toddler bed near any windows, and tack up the cords for curtains or blinds so kids can’t harm themselves by getting tangled up in them. Better yet, avoid having any window cords in the room at all. Also be careful of electrical cords, and childproof the outlets. Have a baby gate at the top of the stairs if possible if your kids’ room is upstairs, or at the entryway of their bedroom (at least at night) to prevent tumbles down the steps and night wanderings.
Create separate play spaces. Playthings that don’t pose a danger to your baby while she’s awake and out of bed can stay in the room as long as they stay out of the crib completely — like blocks, rattles and even stuffed animals. Keep your toddler's stuff in a toy box or crates that only he can access. Put baby's toys on lower shelves or in containers under the crib where she can easily grab them once she starts crawling. Special toddler-only projects, like block castles or train tracks, should be built on a play table in another room so the baby doesn't accidentally knock them down or get something she shouldn’t into her mouth.
Get white noise machines. Even if both kids are great sleepers, there are bound to be nights when one child is crying and wakes up the other. One way to help drown out the noise when your toddler and baby are sharing a room is to have a white noise machine in the room or even one next to each child’s bed. After a while, both kids may become good at sleeping through a lot of commotion. But until then, those machines can mask your baby or toddler’s whimpers or any sounds you make coming into the room.
How to prepare your toddler to share a room and make the transition go smoothly
One way to set your room-sharing plans up for success is to give your toddler a chance to get used to the idea first and tell him what’s coming up so there are no surprises.
Here are some tips to make sure the roommate situation goes off without too many hitches:
Talk it up. Your toddler may be very excited to share a room with his new baby sibling. But there’s no harm in playing it up with him to get him even more into the idea. Tell him he’ll get to be the big kid and will be able to show the baby how to do things like play with toys or make funny faces.
Give him a say in the room’s décor. Get your toddler’s opinion on what color sheets or toy containers to get or what should go on the walls. Your baby won’t care, but your toddler will feel like he has more control as he helps decorate the shared sleeping quarters.
Give your toddler the lowdown. Explain that you’ll be coming in to check on the baby if she cries, so he shouldn't worry about every wimper. The first few times your infant does wake him up, just pat your toddler on the back and let him know that everything’s okay and he should go back to sleep. After a while, he'll be able to settle down and drift off to dreamland on his own if the baby wakes him.
Set some ground rules. Your toddler might be tempted to try to take the baby out of the crib, give her a blanket, or do other potentially unsafe things with his younger sibling. Tell your tot to come and get you to help take care of the baby rather than doing anything by himself — and keep repeating the rule. Give him some positive reinforcement too — every time he enlists your help with the baby, he gets a sticker until he reaches the magic number to trade them in for something special, like an ice cream date with you.
Turn the experience into a teachable moment. One of the many upsides of siblings sharing a room is that your toddler gets a chance to shine as the older sibling and learn about respect and responsibility. When he wakes up before the baby, for example, encourage him to get up quietly and close the door gently before he comes to see you, rather than poking his head into the baby's crib and belting out a wake-up song.
Odds are good that your toddler will learn to love sharing a room with his baby sibling. Many tots cherish the company and find it less scary to have a roommate. And once they get older and can entertain and play with each other, you’ll find that your mornings will go more smoothly too.
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