The nice thing about having a second baby is that you've already learned a lot from the first time around. When I discovered that I’d be delivering a daughter before my son’s second birthday, I put a lot of thought into how I wanted to handle the transition.
With some honesty about my wants and needs plus a little bit of planning, I was able to make the first few months as a mom of two a much smoother experience. Below are some of the things I didn't do as a more experienced mom.
Dress my kids in "cute" clothes
Babies don't need fancy outfits (no matter how ridiculously cute they can be), so I washed a ton of 100% cotton onesies, sleepers and T-shirts for her, and made sure my toddler had clothes he could slip on and off without much fuss, too. Making everyone’s wardrobe as simple as possible saved us time, energy and laundry cycles.
Make last-minute trips to the store
Toddlers and newborns are a lot of work individually, and I was about to have both at the same time. It only made sense to avoid unnecessary errands (like emergency toilet paper runs) while navigating this new reality. So throughout my pregnancy, I slowly chipped away at a shopping list that would keep us pretty well covered for a few months after the baby arrived.
I picked up shelf-stable food, paper goods and personal care items for the whole family, plus supplies that helped me recover from childbirth (giant maxi pads, disposable underwear, witch hazel, cotton rounds, hemorrhoid ointment, Tylenol, Motrin) and manage breastfeeding (nipple ointment).
I also stocked up on newborn care items (60 to 80 diapers a week for the first three months, infant OTC medicines, infant saline, baby wash … ) and anything else "infant" that we no longer had on hand from my son.
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Grocery-shop myself
Yes, there's a fee and tip involved, but signing up for a grocery delivery service was well worth the extra money for me. (Doing grocery delivery can also cut back on impulse purchases and let you manage your budget more closely.)
It also allowed my husband to spend less time running errands on his way home from the office and more with us.
Let everyone visit right away
With my first baby, all the family wanted to come and stay with us right off the bat. As sweet as that was, I felt so overwhelmed. After I announced baby number two, I limited the amount of overnight guests upon her arrival and staggered their stays throughout those first months.
When friends and family wanted to stop by, I scheduled those shorter get-togethers out over time, and I was upfront about how long (or late) the hangout would go. Setting these boundaries made everything so much more relaxing and enjoyable. And because there was never a crowd, every visitor actually got to have special one-on-one time with the new baby and with her big brother.
Pass on help
I not only said "yes" to offers of help, but I also made specific suggestions when people asked how they could pitch in. (I kept a list of tasks on my phone because mom brain is real.)
I'd ask friends to watch the kids while I showered, babysit the toddler while I ran to a doctor's appointment with the baby, pick up prescriptions or drop off a meal. I'd also have them simply join me for an outing so I could have adult conversation and a break from the house.
Agree to things I don't want to do
The temptation to people-please is real, but the second time around, I turned off my phone's ringer, rescheduled unexpected visitors when they dropped by, and passed on the giant bins of unsorted hand-me-down baby clothes that others could use far more than us.
I also gave myself permission to put my recovery and my new baby first, declining invitations to events when I needed the rest.
Forget about my own wellbeing
With my second child, I put zero pressure on myself to get back into pre-baby shape, but I didn't turn my back on self-care. The fridge and pantry always had satisfying options inside. Buying my dream double stroller made it easy to get everyone outside for a walk each day. The sunshine on my face and getting my heartrate up regularly did wonders to reduce my stress, and I believed that a physically and mentally healthy mom was the best gift I could give my growing family.
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