Couples don't always share what's going on in the bedroom, but when you're trying to conceive, it's natural to wonder what others' experiences are like. So What to Expect surveyed 500 women to get some insight into what's going on behind closed doors.
Granted, not everyone conceives by having sex — 24% of women surveyed didn't use sex to get pregnant and instead used methods like in vitro fertilization (IVF), intrauterine insemination (IUI) and surrogacy. But of the 61% using sex to try to get pregnant, respondents say they had sex four times per week on average. That frequency falls in line with advice from the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecology (ACOG) to have sex every day or every other day during the fertile window for the best odds of conceiving.[1]
While four times a week was the average in What to Expect's survey, there was a wide range of answers. A solid one-fifth of survey respondents say they had sex once per day or more while trying to conceive. Another 14% say they had sex just once per week or less.
Most women say having sex while trying to conceive is fun
Aiming-for-conception sex: hot or not? The vast majority of moms and moms-to-be in the survey (78%) say trying to put a bun in the oven felt fun for them, while 72% believe it was fun for their partner, too.
Anecdotally, the parents who said they enjoy sex while trying to conceive tended to be earlier in their fertility journey.
"When we really targeted the window right before ovulation, my hormones were always in a great spot, and I enjoyed it even more than usual." — pocopuffs
"When I first came off the pill, my sex drive was through the roof near ovulation for the first four to six months … This cycle I'm 3 [days post-ovulation], and I still want to pounce on my husband all the time!" — TTCBabyJKP
Read This Next
"[My partner and I had sex] every day … Had fun and why not?!" — SusieQD
"We only tried for about two months, so it was a lot of fun to be honest!" — AmbertheBee
"It felt super exciting, and it felt like a really great way to connect with my partner." — alalders
"[My husband] has always had a higher libido than me, so he was very excited for the 'fun' side of TTC. This was our first month of trying and we [had sex] daily during my fertile window. Yesterday was our seventh and last day for this cycle's fertile window, and I mentioned that I was tired and was finding it a bit challenging. He replied, 'Me too — seven days in a row is a lot. Turns out I have a limit after all; who knew?' Which set both of us giggling for like ten minutes straight." — TaybZA
"For me, it was always really exciting. We were so fortunate to get pregnant very quickly each time. I think if we had to try for even more than one month I would feel differently about it." — heaterbach
Others find TTC sex not-so-great
Plenty of moms reported that TTC sex tipped over into that not-so-fun category, with 15% calling it a chore and 7% saying it was stressful.
Many of the women said sex started to become stressful after seeing negative pregnancy tests month after month.
"The first two months were really fun and exciting, having sex to make a baby. After the fertile window I was so excited by the thought of, 'I could be pregnant right now and just not know it.' After just two months of negative pregnancy tests, though, the hope went away, and sex felt like a chore. I didn't think that part would happen so fast. I wasn't excited for it anymore — I dreaded it, and it stressed me out. Tracking ovulation was tedious and stressful, and after a few months of doing it, I became obsessed and it was all I thought about. We were having sex to make a baby, and that was it. We tried to keep it exciting, but it was so exhausting, especially during that fertile time. I got to a point after almost a year where I agreed with myself that trying for a baby was the hardest thing I've ever done … The month before we were going to stop trying and take a break for my mental health and relationship, I got that positive test. Sex to make a baby is a whole different experience than having sex for fun, and I wish that more people warned me about that." — peachybutton
"My first open window night, we went to the beach, had a bottle of wine and sushi under the stars and then had a very romantic and meaningful night. We then had sex every other day over the 10 day period, which is a lot for both of our drives. By the time I was actually ovulating, I was so stressed and emotional because of the pressure, and it was a chore. We probably conceived during the worst sex we've ever had. I decided next time to start later in the cycle and relax if it doesn't take straight away." — Arob178
"It took us longer than average to conceive the first two times. At first it was fun and exciting, and then it became stressful and tedious, especially because we were ovulation testing every day and trying to have sex every day during the fertile window. Eventually I talked to a very wise doctor who advised [us] to avoid sex until we get a peak ovulation reading and then have sex that day and the day after. We got pregnant the cycle afterwards following his advice." — JessCintheValley
"Sex while TTC brought up a lot of unresolved sexual trauma for me. I hadn't had a period in six years with my IUD, so we weren't sure what my cycle was like and started with sex every other day. Even though no one was forcing me, the slightest thought of 'I'm having sex even though I don't want to' triggered panic attacks and dissociation during sex. Then I felt shame for turning something so positive into something so negative and painful. Fortunately, we conceived fairly quickly, but it definitely wasn't the intimate, emotionally fulfilling experience I thought it would be." — honeybunches17
"It took us 13 months after a miscarriage, and towards the end it started feeling like a chore. It wasn't fun, and it felt like we were having sex for a product and not because we wanted to. After we found out we were pregnant (which we didn't think we were the month we conceived because we weren't as focused on it, I stopped tracking, etc.), sex started becoming fun again because it wasn't mandated!" — bayann17
"This time around was SO stressful. I got off birth control and immediately started tracking my ovulation and keeping track of my [basal body temperature] … We finally stopped tracking, had some fun, and then got pregnant!" — alisha0506
Methodology
The Everyday Health Group Pregnancy & Parenting Talk to Moms Monthly Poll was conducted by Everyday Health Group – Pregnancy and Parenting between September 27 and 29, 2023. We surveyed 500 women 18-44 who are currently pregnant or have at least one child up to 5 years old.
Yes 
No 
Trending On What to Expect
