Maybe sleep training just didn't feel like the right move when your child was a baby. Or maybe you did sleep train … but some not-so-great nighttime habits have since crept in and it's time for a bedtime tune-up (or a major overhaul).
Either way, here you are, wondering if it's possible to sleep train your toddler, who is far more independent and opinionated these days, and much less willing to give up her current nighttime routine.
Sleep training is teaching your child to fall asleep (and fall back asleep, if they wake up during the night) without help from you. While your sweetie may still need you from time to time, like when she's sick or has a nightmare, after you sleep train your child, soothing her to sleep or making midnight visits isn't the norm. The goal instead is to be able to tuck your toddler in, say goodnight, leave the room, and see her again in the morning (after you've both gotten a solid night's rest).
Most experts say that the ideal time to sleep train is between 4 and 6 months, when a baby is old enough to self-soothe but hasn't yet reached the point where she's made the connection between needing comfort from Mom or Dad and sleeping.
Things are different by toddlerhood, of course. If your 1- or 2-year old is used to falling asleep next to you or having you come into her room for late-night cuddles, that habit can be hard to break. Especially now that she can use her words to demand that you stay with her and probably is able to hop out of her crib or bed whenever she feels like it.
That's not to say that you're doomed to never get a full night's sleep again. While sleep training in toddlerhood tends to be more challenging (and more drawn out), it's still possible to teach your little one to sleep well without you.
More on Toddler Sleep
Though sleep training is a bit harder after your toddler has turned 1, it’s still very possible, though you’ll want to start while she’s still a year old rather than waiting until she’s 2 if you can, since bedtime habits are harder to break the older your child gets.
How to sleep train your toddler
The right toddler sleep training method depends on your child's personality, as well as what you feel comfortable with. (Put more directly: Are you okay with letting your toddler cry a lot, a little, or not at all?)
Here are some of the most commonly used options.
Cry it out
The cry-it-out or "extinction" method involves putting your toddler to bed and letting her cry until she's fallen asleep with no help or visits from you. It can be effective and won't cause any lasting harm to your toddler — years from now, she won't remember a thing.
But listening to those wails (and there likely will be plenty of them at first) can be tough, especially once your toddler is able to verbalize her needs and can say things like "Come back!" or "I need you!" CIO may also be harder to implement if your toddler has already moved to a bed or is able to climb out of her crib, since she can simply get up and come find you if she's not happy with the new bedtime routine.
Ferber
The Ferber method is sometimes called a "graduated extinction" method, since it involves letting your toddler cry for a set period of time before going in to check on her. The intervals in between visits get a little longer over time, so you're coming in less often and letting your toddler do more of the work of falling asleep.
The Ferber method can be a happy medium in between letting your toddler cry it out and gentler sleep training methods that involve staying in your toddler's room for a period of time (like the chair method, below). Even though you're not staying with her while she is falling asleep, she might feel reassured — and be a little more cooperative — knowing that you'll come back in to check on her in another few minutes.
Chair
The chair method involves sitting next to your toddler in a chair until she falls asleep, then leaving the room. Each night, you move the chair a little further to the door until you're out of the room completely – and she's falling asleep on her own.
Some experts say the chair method is easier for older babies and toddlers to accept, since it's gentler. It might be easier on you too, since you're less likely to have to hear your toddler's crying for long stretches. But it may take longer than methods like cry it out or Ferber, and your toddler might wake up startled and upset in the middle of the night when she realizes you've left the room.
Bedtime fading
Bedtime fading involves tweaking your toddler's natural circadian rhythms to encourage her to fall asleep on her own more easily. Instead of putting her to sleep at the usual bedtime, wait until she starts to show cues that she's tired (like yawning or rubbing her eyes), then put her to bed.
The thinking is that your toddler will fall asleep more easily if she's really wiped out. (If she cries a lot, have her get up and wait another half hour or so before trying again.) Then after a few nights of putting her to sleep at that time, you can gradually bump bedtime back by 15-minute increments until she's going to sleep at the time you want her to.
Does my toddler need sleep training?
Ultimately, only you can decide whether your toddler's current bedtime and sleep habits are working for your family or if they need to be adjusted. Bedtime battles are a normal part of toddlerhood, and sometimes toddlers go through sleep blips that just clear up on their own. But it might be worth considering sleep training if any of the following go on for more than a week or two:
Waking up more than two or three times per night
Severe bedtime resistance, crying or tantrums that cause the bedtime routine to run longer than 60 minutes
Waking up significantly earlier than usual
How long will sleep training my toddler take?
Your toddler has been used to having bedtime be a certain way since, well, always. Sleep training can be a big change! While it's certainly possible for your child to come around to the new plan within a few days, it's also not unusual for the process to take longer. Being consistent will help your toddler adjust as quickly as possible.
If you haven't seen an improvement within two to four weeks, talk with your toddler's pediatrician. Not every sleep training method works for every child, and you may need to change your approach in order to see results. The pediatrician may also want to examine your child for any underlying issues that could be affecting her ability to sleep well.
Toddler sleep training tips
Ready to get started? Here are some ways to help your toddler get the hang of the new regimen and up your odds for sleep success.
Keep your eye on the prize. It's normal to feel guilty if your toddler isn't gung-ho about the whole going-to-sleep-alone thing. It can help to remind yourself that even though she's unhappy in the moment, empowering your child to develop healthy sleep habits will benefit her for years to come.
Be consistent. It's normal for your toddler to try to test you when you introduce a new rule or routine. But she'll eventually come around (and have an easier time doing so) when you hold steady, even when things feel really hard.
Prep your toddler. Give your sweetie a heads up about the upcoming changes. You can keep it simple: Tell your toddler that she's going to sleep in her bed tonight and how you'll plan to say goodnight. Reassure her that she'll have her favorite comfort or transitional objects (more on those later) and that you'll be nearby if she needs you.
Project confidence. Even if you're a bundle of nerves on the inside, stay cool and calm on the outside. If your toddler senses that you're anxious, she'll feel anxious too.
Pick the right bedtime. Most toddlers are primed to nod off by 7:30 or 8 p.m. Keeping her up later won't necessarily lead to better sleep.
Get into a routine. If you don't already have a solid nighttime routine, now's the time to start. Already been doing the bath, books and snuggles thing for a while now? Stick with it. Keeping the rest of the night business as usual will help your toddler weather the sleep training change.
Offer a comfort object. If your toddler doesn't already have a stuffed animal, blanket or another lovie, invite her to pick one out to bring into bed. Just make sure it's free of any choking hazards (like buttons or loose eyes) or stuffing pellets.
Tackle the pre-bed checklist. Anticipate your toddler's needs (a glass of water! nightlight on!) before saying goodnight the first time, so she has less reason to call you back into the room after you've left.
Reassure as needed, but don't give in. It's fine to come back in to reassure your child if that's part of your sleep training plan. Just keep the interactions brief (no snuggling or bringing her out of bed) and don't let your desire to comfort cause things to veer off course.
Bring her back to bed if she gets up. If your toddler comes out of her room, tuck her right back in and keep doing it until she goes to sleep. Be very boring and matter-of-fact to let her know there's no reward for popping out of bed.
Consider a rewards chart. If your toddler needs a little more motivation, try enticing her with a sticker for each fuss-free night. After she's earned a certain number of stickers (like five or 10), she can get a reward.
Keep her active during the day. Head out to the playground, have a dance party, take a walk around the neighborhood, set up an obstacle course in the living room. Everyone sleeps better after they've been busy.
Don’t rush in at the first whimper. Even if you plan to go back into the room to offer comfort at timed intervals, give your toddler some time to try to soothe herself first.
Avoid screen time before bed. Screens make it harder for little ones to fall asleep. They're stimulating, and seeing something strange or scary could set the stage for nightmares. Keep all screens out of children’s bedrooms and turn off the TV or other device at least 60 minutes before bedtime. Screen time should also be avoided for toddlers younger than 18 to 24 months old, other than small amounts of high-quality age-appropriate programming and video chatting.
Refrain from using the bedroom as punishment. Try to avoid sending your toddler up to her room as a consequence during the day. It could create negative associations about being alone in her room at night.
Resist the temptation to bring your toddler into bed. Even if she wakes up distressed from a nightmare, bringing your toddler into bed will only make the sleep training process harder. Go in to comfort her with a hug or a back rub and some reassuring words, but keep her in her own bed.
Don’t give up prematurely. Sleep training your toddler can take time, so stick with it. If you haven't made progress after two weeks, talk with the pediatrician about changing your approach.
Can I sleep train my toddler for naptime?
It's fine to use the same sleep training strategy for naps as you do at bedtime. However, long stretches of crying could end up eating into the nap, causing your toddler to miss out on the daytime sleep she needs (and leaving her moody and overtired by the evening).
You can handle this in a few different ways. One option is to tackle sleep training at bedtime first, then work on naps once you've got nights under control. You could also plan to try the sleep training plan for a set amount of time at naptime (say 10 or 15 minutes). If it doesn't work, find another way of getting your toddler to sleep, like wheeling her around in the stroller until she’s tired and then transferring her back into her crib or bed.
When to call the doctor
It's never a bad idea to talk with your toddler's pediatrician for advice on how to handle bedtime battles and implement a sleep training plan. It's also worth checking in with the doctor if your toddler's sleep hasn't gotten better after two to four weeks of consistent sleep training.
You should also let the pediatrician know if your child throws up from crying during sleep training. While it's not usually a health concern if it happens once or twice, it can be upsetting and stressful and may be an indication that your sleep training method isn’t the right one for your child. It's also a good idea to rule out any possible illnesses.
Finally, contact the doctor if your toddler has trouble breathing or snores during sleep, if you feel that her sleep problems are affecting her daytime behavior, or if you have concerns about her sleep problems or nighttime fears. Together, you can determine if there's an underlying issue that needs to be addressed.
Sleep training in toddlerhood can be tougher. But it's doable, and it can be worth it in the name of better sleep (for both your toddler and you). So pick a plan and stick with it. It may take some time, but eventually, you'll all be reaping the rewards of more solid snooze time.
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