The best of times and the worst of times can sum up a lot about toddlerhood, including toddler playdates. But whether you think the idea of two tykes getting together is terrifying or terrific, know that playdates are beneficial for kids of all ages.
For one, these casual play sessions help your toddler learn how to feel comfortable around other children his age.[1] Playdates can also help your tot strengthen his social skills, even if he’s still in the parallel play stage. Both are the foundations of learning how to be a good friend.
Of course, you’d rather your toddler’s playdates go smoothly. While there are no guarantees that these encounters won’t feature a meltdown (or five), there are steps you can take to make playdates go well — for everyone. Read on to find out when to start having playdates, tips on how to make them fun, and what to do when the tears start.
When can toddlers start having playdates?
You can start arranging playdates for your child as soon as you'd like. Whether your toddler is 12 months old, 2 years old, or older, there’s never a bad time to start having toddler get-togethers.
Just don’t expect much togetherness at this age. Toddlers play differently than preschoolers and older kids, and that’s perfectly normal.
If your little one is between ages 1 and 3 years old, keep your expectations low: At this stage, most tots struggle to share toys or even get along with their playmates.
In fact, toddlers are more into parallel play than playing cooperatively, which means they often play alongside each other. Kids younger than 2 tend to play alone or might watch another child play, while 2-year-olds tend to play next to other kids instead of with them.
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Again, this is all perfectly normal. Your toddler will still have fun observing his pal, and maybe even imitating him. That sets him up for more interactive moments in the future.
7 toddler playdate ideas
The best activities for toddler playdates are those that allow tots to do their own thing side-by-side without pressure to share. Of course, if the kids do play together or one gives a toy up without asking, that’s great.[2]
1. Dance, dance, dance
Dancing burns time and some of that toddler energy, and it’s also a great form of exercise. Turn on the tunes and have your toddler and his pal make up crazy dances. Or play Freeze Dance — when the music goes off, the kids have to stand still no matter what they’re doing. If that only takes up two minutes, fall back on some tried-and-true toddler games, like Hokey Pokey and Simon Says.
2. Blow bubbles
If the weather is nice, head to the backyard or a local park and take turns blowing and catching bubbles. You can do this inside too if you don’t mind some mess.
3. Bake some goodies
Older toddlers might enjoy making real cookies by helping mix the batter, roll out the dough, and cut out shapes.
But if you don’t want to get that involved, set out cookie cutters, a baking sheet or two, and toddler-safe clay so they can pretend to make cookies — flattening the dough, cutting out the shapes and putting them on the baking sheet to “cook.”
4. Splash and pour
Fill a dishpan with water (put a towel underneath) or take one outside if the weather is nice. Then set out plastic cups, spoons and different containers in a variety of sizes so your toddler and his sidekick can pour and splash as long as they like.
Just be sure to stay especially close anytime you mix water play into a toddler playdate.[3]
5. Make some music
Give each child an instrument and start to sing some toddler-friendly songs, from “If You’re Happy and You Know It” to “This Old Man.”
It helps if you have two rattles, maracas, tambourines or other noise-makers. That way, the kids are less likely to tussle over an instrument. On the other hand, having one of each might be a good way to teach the basics of turn-taking.
6. Hand out the crayons
Or markers or chalk. And give the toddlers plenty of space to draw — a big sketch pad, easel, or even a cardboard box. You can also try finger-painting or playing with (safe) clay.
7. Bring out the toys
These would be toys that can be played with together — as long as you understand that your toddler and his buddy may be on opposite sides of the room. These include:
- A bucket of blocks that you dump in the middle of the room for both kids to build with
- Several toy cars and trucks
- Dolls or stuffed animals (but not your toddler’s favorite ones)
- Pretend food
- Dress-up items like hats, tutus, gloves, shoes, your old jackets and clothes, sunglasses
- Balls (for inside or outside, depending on where you have them playing)
- Board books — kids can look at them individually or you can read to them if they need some quiet time
Tips for making toddler playdates go smoothly
The biggest tip is simply to keep your expectations realistic. Expect a few tears or even meltdowns.
The little ones might fight over a toy your toddler hasn’t played with in forever, for example. If you expect a few bumps, you won’t be caught off-guard.
Other strategies:[4]
- Keep playdates short and sweet. An hour or an hour-and-a-half is perfect for toddlers. You want them to end on a happy note, not a cranky one.
- Feed your toddler. Or better yet, feed both/all kids before they start playing. (Make sure to check for allergies.) Think of child-friendly snacks like bananas, string cheese, crackers or orange slices.
- Time playdates well. Is your tot mellower in the morning or after lunch? Is the playdate the main activity for the day? Are you scheduling it around the kids' naptimes? It’s easier for toddlers to get frustrated when they’re tired or have had a busy morning.
- Put away your toddler’s absolute favorites. While learning to share is important, it can be hard for young kids to do so with their most special toys. His beloved stuffed animal, for example, is best stashed somewhere it won’t be discovered during the playdate.
- Stay close by. That way, you can swoop in if there’s any hitting, biting, or tantrum-throwing. Otherwise, let the kids play on their own, even if it doesn’t look like they’re doing much.
What should you do if a toddler playdate goes south?
Put two or more toddlers together and you’re bound to have playdate challenges — your child clings to you and refuses to play, one toddler has a tantrum, someone bops the other on the head, or the kids just aren’t simpatico.
Relax. These things happen, even during the best playdates. If trouble starts, try the following:
- Switch up activities. Toddlers can be easily distracted, so if dress-up is going badly, crank up the tunes for a reset. It’s always good to have more activities and toys than you need for an hour. If all else fails, take the kids into the kitchen and have them both help you make a snack.
- Make your lap available if your toddler hangs back or suddenly feels shy. He’ll warm up eventually.
- Do some role-play or rule-setting before the next playdate. Maybe your tot needs to get better about asking for a turn, so give him the words and practice together. Or maybe he needs to know what will happen if he tries to bite his friend.
Toddler playdates are a great way to help your child become more comfortable around other kids and establish some early friendships, especially if he isn’t going to day care or preschool yet.
And even if your tot and his playmate simply play side-by-side, he’s still getting a lot out of these get-togethers. Before you know it, he’ll be having friends over more often, and you’ll be surprised by the elaborate make-believe games they come up with.
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