Your child is staying dry for hours at a time and is even showing an interest in using the potty. So it won’t be long now before he’s officially potty trained, right?
Unfortunately, probably not. The potty training process is, well…a process — and transitioning your toddler to the toilet can take anywhere from a few months to nearly a year.
Like most milestones, children develop potty training readiness at their own pace, usually between the ages of 2 and 3½. Developmentally, a lot has to happen before all systems are go — toddlers have to master not just bladder control, but be able to undress themselves and make it to the potty on time.
And even if your toddler can tackle all these tasks, he’s still guaranteed to have a few accidents along the way. Here are some of the most common potty training problems and setbacks[1], and what to do about them.
Your toddler is suddenly having many accidents
It’s not uncommon for children who’ve been staying dry for weeks (or even months) at a time to suddenly regress to their diaper-wearing days.
First, you’ll want to rule out any potential medical issues that might be causing the problem. For example, toddlers may need to pee frequently if they’re constipated (a bulkier stool in the colon can put pressure on the bladder) or have a urinary tract infection (UTI).
Major life changes, too, can cause potty training regression. A new sibling, a big move, a switch to day care or preschool — all of these things can cause stress in a child’s life, prompting him to have accidents. It might take a couple of weeks for your child to adjust to his new normal, but the good news is, once he does, he should return to using the potty again.
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In the meantime, try not to pressure your child or shame him when he has an accident.[2] Doing so can cause even more stress, which may only prolong the regression. Instead, simply explain that every child has accidents sometimes, and that he can try again next time.
As for bedwetting, keep in mind that many toddlers aren’t able to stay dry overnight — sometimes not until they’re 6 or 7 years old or older. Even if your child has been waking up dry for weeks, he may suddenly start wetting the bed. In that case, your best bet may be to keep him in training pants (like Pull-Ups) or an overnight diaper at night until he’s able to stay dry for a week or so, before giving it another try overnight.
Your toddler won’t poop on the potty
Is your toddler’s favorite place to poop underneath the table (or behind the couch, or in the corner of the living room…)? Many toddlers have trouble parting with their poop, and are even more upset when they see it disappear down the toilet bowl.
Try tackling the problem in stages: When your child has a bowel movement, take him into the bathroom to finish going — this can create a link between pooping and the toilet. Next, encourage him to empty the contents into the bowl (“poop goes in the potty”).
If the loud flush scares him, drown out the sound with your applause and heap plenty of praise on him. Or, you can also use a potty training seat with a removable bowl and empty the contents out after he leaves the room.
Timing, too, plays a big part — after all, if you don’t have to go, you don’t have to go. So be strategic about when you put him on the toilet. If his poops are predictable, encourage him to use the potty when you think he might go; if he’s more irregular, try to use the toilet in the morning or after a meal (eating can stimulate the GI tract and help trigger a bowel movement).
Your child refuses to use the potty
Toddlers aren’t known for their cooperation skills — so it’s no surprise that your child’s resistance to all things new extends to the toilet too. Try to put the ball in his court: Let him know whenever he wants to start using the potty, he can.
You might allow him to choose his very own potty chair or big-kid underwear, or offer him some incentives or rewards (like a sticker chart) whenever he sits on the toilet. The important thing is not to pressure him, so if he’s still showing signs of potty training resistance, wait another week or two before encouraging him to give it another try.
Remember, too, that there’s no “wrong” way to use the potty. Some boys may want to sit down when they go (and sometimes, this can be the easiest way to teach them how to go), whereas other toddlers may prefer to squat over the rim — as long as the pee and poop go in the toilet, that’s all that matters.
Your child plays with his poop
Toddlers are endlessly curious — and sometimes, that curiosity extends to their poop. Depending on his abilities, your child may play with his stool or try to put it in some pretty strange places. Credit (or chalk it up to) his growing imagination, which is becoming ever more complex the older he gets.
As horrified as you might be at first, try not to make a big deal out of it. To some toddlers, any attention is good attention, and knowing he can get a reaction out of you may be just the incentive he needs to do it again.
Instead, calmly tell him “that poop goes in the potty and we flush it away.” Then, help him wash his hands thoroughly with soap and water — the same end to his usual bathroom routine.
Your child goes right after you take him off the toilet
You put your toddler on the potty only for him to insist there was “no pee” or “no poop.” Then, a few minutes later, he pees in the bathtub (or on your living room rug). What gives?
Your toddler probably isn’t being obstinate. It can take time before children learn how to fully empty their bladder, even if they can sometimes partially empty it on command. For example, sometimes, the warm water of the bathtub can relax their muscles even further, which might bring on another steady stream of pee or trigger a bowel movement he didn’t realize he had.
Furthermore, some children simply get distracted after a few minutes of sitting on the potty and decide to give up early — other times, toddlers are so engrossed in what they’re doing that they don’t notice they’ve gone until they’ve, well, gone.
When your toddler is a little older (and his brain and bladder have matured enough to communicate with each other a little more effectively) he’ll be able to recognize when he really needs to go — or at least be able to hold it long enough to make it to the potty.
For now, the most important thing you can do is stay positive and encouraging. A few setbacks are par for the potty training course. Before you know it, your child will be back on the potty seat, and diapers will be a distant memory.
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