Some nursing toddlers wean themselves: They decide they’re ready to make the break from breastfeeding and that’s that. But sometimes the decision to nix the nursing is your own. Perhaps you’re planning a second pregnancy or are already pregnant. Maybe you’re simply ready to have your breasts back. Whatever it is that’s compelling you to keep your shirt on (at least when your eager-to-nurse kid comes around), you’ll want to take a loving and gentle approach to weaning a toddler.
Are you or your toddler ready to stop breastfeeding?
Extended breastfeeding — until your child is well into toddlerhood — is fine, as long as it is comfortable for both of you. But at some point, either you or your tot will be ready to move on. And if you’re ready to wean first, leave the guilt behind. You’ve done an amazing job, Mama! Now, here are some tried-and-true tips for how to stop nursing and make the transition a bit easier.
Talking to your toddler about weaning
Even if your child is barely talking herself, she may be able understand and respond to a simple explanation of what’s about to happen. Tell her, in language you know she understands (and you know your child better than anyone), why it’s time for the nursing to stop. (“You’re getting bigger and you don’t need to nurse now"). Reassure her that the two of you will continue to snuggle together, and list a few things that you might do more of, like play games, read books, build with blocks. That way she’ll understand that you aren’t abandoning her — you’re just saying bye-bye to breastfeeding.
Tips for gently weaning your toddler
So now that you’ve started the conversation, here are some tips to help move the process along.
More Breastfeeding Tips
- Pick the right time. It’s best not to start the weaning process until your toddler is in a good place. Avoid weaning if she’s not feeling well or if she’s in a transition: if she's starting a new day care, the family is in the process of a move, or if you’ve gone back to work recently and she’s deeply missing her mom. Too much change at once could be hard for your little one to handle.
- Drop minutes from nursing times. Got a tot who likes to linger at the breast? Gently and gradually shave a few minutes off her usual feeding time. That way, the sessions may become less satisfying to her and she might be more willing to stop nursing altogether. Don’t consider cold turkey or expect that weaning will happen overnight. Take it slow by reducing the number of feedings and the lengths of those feedings each day. Ideally, you want to reduce your little one’s demand, in turn reducing your supply which will make the transition easier on your breasts as well.
- Don’t volunteer nursing. Another way to stop breastfeeding your toddler is to gradually stop offering up your breasts at numerous times throughout the day. Only nurse when she asks. If you’ve been voluntarily opening your top frequently, this one change will immediately cut down on the amount of sipping your toddler does and make it easier for you to stop nursing.
- Dial back your nursing routine. If your toddler nurses at specific times of the day, or tends to ask to do so under certain circumstances (when she gets overtired, for example), be prepared to do other things at those times. For example, if she always wants to cozy in for a mid-morning snack, plan an outing for the appointed hour. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. In fact, it could be a trip to the drugstore one day, a swing by the post office the next, a playdate at the park another time. If you sense a daily dose of crankiness coming on, take out a storybook instead of your breast.
- Keep the drama to a minimum. Toddler tantrums, clinginess, anxiety and other behaviors may be a sign that the weaning’s going too quickly for your child's comfort. If your toddler starts acting differently, slow things down. There’s no reason for weaning a toddler to be traumatic. A few extra days or even weeks of nursing won’t hurt either of you.
- Make weaning feel special. Emphasize your toddler’s positive development rather than the fact that she’s giving something up. If your toddler seems about ready to stop nursing, let her set a date for the final breastfeeding session. Plan a little party for that day. It doesn’t have to be a huge deal. Cupcakes in the afternoon, say, or a trip for ice cream after dinner will seal the deal.
- Plan distractions. Distraction may become your best friend when weaning a toddler. Solid foods are an important one and by this time your toddler should be enjoying a wide array of them. Offer your mini her favorite foods during times when she traditionally asks for the breast and start to add in whole milk in a bottle or sippy cup when possible. When she starts to whine, offer her a favorite snack instead, pull out a special toy to play with together or head outside for a stroll.
- Substitute lots of affection. Nursing is built-in baby bonding time. For many toddlers, that’s one of the main reasons why they’re hesitant to leave it behind. Reassure your little one that just because breastfeeding is coming to an end that doesn’t mean that there will be any less affection to go around. During the weaning process, go heavy on cuddles and kisses especially during the times of the day when she was most dependent on breastfeeding.
- Involve your partner. Sometimes it’s not so easy to wean a toddler when your breasts are front and center, especially when it comes to nap and bedtime. If this is presenting an extra struggle in your weaning process, consider enlisting the help of your partner. As often as is possible, have your partner put your toddler to sleep at nap or bedtime until she’s fully weaned.
- Buy some time. If your toddler wants to nurse, try diverting her to another activity during that time, like baking cupcakes or going to the playground. She may wind up forgetting about the feeding she wanted, but at the very least you will have extended the time between sessions.
- Set boundaries. Explain to your toddler that she can only breastfeed at home, in a certain room or chair, for a certain period of time. Set the timer and stick to the limits you established.
- Stop nursing her to sleep. If your tot is using breastfeeding to drift off to sleep, kick the habit as soon as possible. Move nursing to earlier in the evening or the bedtime routine, and replace it with a snack and a cup of milk, stories, songs. Better yet, turn over bedtime duties to your partner if you have one.
- Take off. It may seem drastic and a bit harsh, but going away for a few days while you're trying to wean your toddler is sometimes all it takes to get her there. Without you around, she'll have no choice but to do without breastfeeding, and she may not even miss it if there are plenty of fun distractions planned and cuddles to go around. By the time you get back, she very likely will have moved on. Just don't offer the breast when you return, and distract her if she asks for it.
Caring for yourself while you stop breastfeeding your toddler
It’s easy to worry about your little one when you’re weaning, but don’t forget about yourself. A gradual approach is also easier on Mom physically to prevent engorgement. If you do experience engorgement, heating pads or compresses can help to reduce some of the discomfort.
Emotionally, weaning can be especially difficult when you’ve been doing it for a few years. It’s okay to bemoan the fact that this special bonding time is coming to an end, even if part of you is ready to say goodbye. Acknowledge that this is a major life change and give yourself a break during the transition.
What to do if your toddler doesn't want to stop breastfeeding
Sometimes it’s hard for your toddler to let go of something she's held onto this long. Eventually it will happen, but in the meantime:
- Avoid comparing your toddler to others. No matter how frustrated you are about the struggle, avoid the urge to compare your toddler to other children who aren’t breastfeeding any longer. Even if you feel like you’re the only one that’s still at it, remember every child and mom are different. And what’s right for your child might not be right for another child.
- Avoid comparing yourself to other moms. On the other side of the coin, just because other moms you know weaned ages ago and it went swimmingly, that doesn’t mean you should be embarrassed or feel guilty that weaning is taking some extra time.
- Change up your night time routine. Often times, toddlers fall asleep nursing and losing that piece of security can make the process more difficult. Move the last feeding until earlier in her bedtime routine before giving it up completely. For example, feeding, brushing teeth and then lullabies, stories and cuddle time. The goal is avoid your tot falling asleep while feeding and remind her that she can head off to dreamland on her own without your breast.
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